Visiting my folks in Texas over the Mother's Day weekend, and boy-howdy do they have some things to say about television! Here's the lowdown from "Ma and Pa America" (their choice of moniker, not mine. I wanted to call them "Mr. and Mrs. Fussy Pants.")

Pa on Wheel of Fortune: "I tell you, that Vanna White. She looks like she been rode hard and put up wet. They need to find a new chick for that show. She's been around forever."
Ma: "[rolling eyes] Your father won't let me watch Wheel anymore because he doesn't like Vanna White. But it's my favorite show!"

Pa on the Overstock.com commercial: "Have you seen that one? That commercial for "It's all about the O?" Man I am so sick of that. [imitates sexy lady voice] Ooooh, it's all about the gold! It's all about the outdoors! That thing comes on every five seconds. I can't stand it."
Ma: "Yes, it really is getting very tiresome."

Ma on CSI: "Oh! I hate all those CSI shows! CSI Miami, CSI Las Vegas, CSI New York. There's too many! And they're so procedural, severed heads and cutting people up, and then they're always in the lab fussing over DNA or hair samples. Why cut all those people up when all you need is a hair sample? Chopping people up and looking into microscopes. So gross."

Well put, Ma, well put.