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November 21, 2014

Family Guy: The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire

by Kim Voynar, posted Jun 13th 2005 10:14PM

Family GuyBrian the dog coming onto Meg? Quagmire putting his hand down Loretta's shirt to retrieve a fish? Ewwww. And Peter leading singing a diagnosis to an AIDS patient with a barbershop quartet? This episode of Family Guy was just chock-full of the tasteless and tacky moments that make the show so popular. Peter and the gang are out on Peter's boat on a Saturday.

During a game of charades, Joe falls overboard and hasto be rescued by the Portugese waiter because no one knows CPR. Lois makes Peter take a CPR class, and Stewie shares a special moment with the baby CPR doll. The all become "Certified CPRs", but Peter, natch, promptly loses his certification when he gets a little carried away and tries to perform CPR on two guys who aren't even injured.

Later, Peter and Brian walk in on Loretta getting it on with a white guy with a tatooed buttcheek. Peter breaks the bad news to Cleveland. When Cleveland confronts Loretta, she kicks him out and tells him he's not man enough to satisfy her. Cleveland moves into Peter's house, and Peter comforts him by singing "Rock Lobster". Peter decides to set Cleveland up with a "revenge lay", and goes to Quagmire for help. But when he and Brian go there, Quagmire opens the door in his underwear and they see the tattoo on Quagmire's ass. Quagmire confesses he was the one who was getting down and dirty with Cleveland's wife.

Peter tells Cleveland that it was Quagmire who bonked Loretta. Cleveland doesn't react much to the news, so Lois and Peter embark on a mission to help Cleveland better express his feelings. Cleveland finally gets pissed off when Peter puts on a "Quagmire" mask and simulates the Quagmire-Loretta bonkfest - with Brian. Cleveland starts plotting revenge against Quagmire and working out to get buff to kick Quagmire's ass. Peter calms Cleveland down and spirits Quagmire off to Mayor West's house to hide.

Cleveland goes after Quagmire with a baseball bat. Emperor Palpatine urges Cleveland to go to the Dark Side, but Cleveland decides at the last minute not to beat Quagmire up. Instead, he tells Loretta he wants a divorce. Cleveland and Quagmire decide to duke it out manly-man style in a boxing match to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger".

I can't say this was one of my favorite episodes of Family Guy - there were some funny individual moments, but it was just so all over the map that it was hard to keep up with what was going on. In one of the funniest scenes of the episode, though, there's an episode of Bewitched on TV, and Darrin unleashes on Endora, dousing her with holy water and yelling, "How do you like that, huh? The power of Christ compels you, bitch!" That little moment alone made the episode worth watching for me. I'm still chuckling about it today.

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Stoner Bob

The scene were they see quagmires tattoo is from The Lady's Man, its fucking hilarious

August 01 2005 at 10:59 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
bs

i think this was a full-blown classic (not to be confused with the 'full-blown AIDS' Peter sings about). it had an amazing breadth of external reference and laugh-out-loud gags, and while the narrative itself was a bit scattered, it actually took the time to reconcile itself towards the end of the show. the big question is whether or not this marks a precedent for an on-going issue (lorett and cleveland's divorce) or if things go back to normal in the next episode like the Simpsons' perpetually refillable normalcy.

June 21 2005 at 11:23 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Belgand

It wasn't until watching a rerun last night that I realized that Cleveland Jr. was suspiciously missing. I mean... wouldn't that be kind of significant?

June 14 2005 at 3:52 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Joshua Stein

Oooh! It's like a sheep!

June 14 2005 at 3:46 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Jason Cosper

But what about the "Kicked In The Nuts" bit at the end of the episode? I'm sure the thousand people who've seen the videos floating around the net got that gag, but I was rolling on the floor when I saw it. *shrug* It makes a lot more sense after you've watched this: http://www.channel101.com/shows/show.php?show_id=5

June 14 2005 at 1:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bo Link

I thought this was a classic episode. There were so many references and call-outs. I was roling once Peter broke out the guitar for a little "Rock Lobster" action. So random, yet so funny. I also got a kick out of Peter's flying machines (the Peter-Copter and Peter-Zepplin). I loved it when he crashed the zeppelin and you can faintly hear Joe cry out, "How are you able to afford these things?!?!" I agree with Eddie, this was the best episode since they've returned.

June 14 2005 at 11:39 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Josh

Hmmmmm... Much better than the last 2. Peter trying to bugger Brian with the Loretta mask on was pretty funny as was Brian spanking Lois.

June 14 2005 at 11:34 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
eddie

I thought that this was the best episode since Family Guy came back and I was laughing my ass off when Brian slapped Lois on the Ass.

June 14 2005 at 9:24 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
eddie

I thought that this was the best episode since Family Guy came back and I was laughing my ass off when Brian slapped Lois on the Ass.

June 14 2005 at 9:22 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bob

"manly-man style"? That's the ending of Rocky III.

June 14 2005 at 8:29 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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