I realize those "Enzyte: The Once-A-Day Tablet for Natural Male Enhancement" advertisements have been on for some time now, but since I'm new to this realm of the blogosphere I just want to say that Enzyte makes possibly the most disturbing commercials ever.
More disturbing than Bob Dole shilling for Viagra? Yes. More disturbing than that commercial where Speedy Alza-Seltzer strangles a dachshund? Well, that commercial doesn't exist, but if it did, Enzyte's would still be more disturbing. If you haven't seen the ads, they feature a man named "Bob" who struts through the commercial with a gigantic, some would say maniacal, smile plastered to his face. His wife, who has also reaped the benefits of Enzyte, shares her husband's thinly-veiled enthusiasm for the magic herbal pill that has put the spark back into their relationship, the Food and Drug Administration be damned. Remember the video for "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden? The one with the squeaky-clean suburbanites with insane, contorted smiles? Yeah, it's that kind of disturbing.

The commercial would be discomforting enough with the paralyzed zombie faces and sexual innuendo, but what I find most unsettling is how the wife is portrayed in the commercial. Her role seems to be that of a vapid suburban hausfrau whose life had no meaning until her husband started taking his amazing "male enhancement" pills. Is Enzyte claiming that a woman shouldn't bother to leave the house because the key to her happiness and salvation lies not outside those walls, but in her husband's pants?

All I know is that Mr. Dole (the other "Bob") would never treat Elizabeth with such disrespect. If we learned anything from the 96 election, it's that Bob Dole likes to refer to himself in the third person, and that he's a gentle, understanding lover. Sometimes you can just intuit these things.