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October 13, 2015

The Daily Show: August 9, 2005

by Annie Wu, posted Aug 10th 2005 12:23AM
dailyshow1Tonight's guest on The Daily Show is actress Kate Hudson. Kate Hudson. Jon Stewart starts off by saying that her family's river is very nice. He offers his kudos.

Well, early this morning, the shuttle landed safely in California. Senior Space Correspondent, Stephen Colbert, elaborates on this. Colbert says that although the astronauts had to land in California due to bad weather in Florida, mission control in Houston had everything under control. They play a clip of missioin control guiding the shuttle, obnoxiously pointing out over and over again that the atmosphere is hot, hot, hot and that the handrails should be used when coming down the stairs. To go even more in-depth, Colbert demonstrates the landing by using his wallet as the shuttle, a napkin as the tile, and a toy shuttle as Earth. If these problems persist though, it may mark the end of the program. Colbert begs to differ though because we still have yet to fulfill our basic human need out there: finding the space oil. It's out there somewhere but we "just haven't figured out how to drill the void."

We continue with news on the ongoing war on terror. Last week, a videotape was released on the Al Jazeera network, showing Ayman al-Zawahiri (aka Osama's Karl Rove) talking about his whereabouts -- er... his wherenotabouts? Whatever. Remember when Bush and Rummy and the gang decided not to call this ordeal the "war on terror" anymore and attempted to use the "struggle against global extremism" line? Well, apparently they've ditched that and gone right back to "war on terror". In Bush's most recent speech, he repeats this phrase several times and afterwards, goes out and really does put up a good fight... against tree stumps on his ranch.

While America continues to struggle with energy bills and desperate attempts to conserve, a Canadian by the name of Kory Teneycke believes he has the answer. He claims that the use of ethanol may be the cure to everyone's pollution/energy ails. It's pretty much just burning corn oil. Unfortunately, Teneycke's solution hasn't been welcomed with open arms. Lots of Canadians think it's a total fraud. C'mon! It's burning food for fuel. "Turning food into fuel," Corddry says. "That's like what my tummy does!" In order to draw in more crowds, Teneycke creates a mascot (like the Energizer Bunny or Jesus). The resulting mascot, Corn Cob Bob, was set to make his debut appearance at a Canada Day celebration but the celebration's sponsor, Shell, said no. Poor Corn Cob Bob with his half-corn, half-farmer body and happy demeanor. Corddry shifts the focus of this segment from ethanol to a human interest piece on Corn Cob Bob.  Behind the smiling face is a sad, sad soul. He'll never be accepted. Corddry brings a group of kids into the mix, trying to introduce Corn Cob Bob to them. They hate him. Who the hell wants to hear about ethanol? As a last resort, Corddry leads Corn Cob Bob to the woods, describing all the wonderful things that are to come in the Canada Day celebration -- the celebration that he'll never see. While Corn Cob Bob is daydreaming about all this, Corddry shoots him in the back of the head, putting him out of his misery. Popcorn flies all over and Corn Cob Bob finally falls over in a crumpled heap, still smiling. Holy crap. I think I've just witnessed the best Of Mice and Men reference ever. Reading the book didn't leave me in the highest of spirits but seeing the same thing happen to a guy in a corn suit brings about immense amusement. There's probably something horribly sick and twisted in that. Anyway, it was a bitter end. Bitter because Corddry just didn't realize there was a dude in there.

Again, tonight's guest is Kate Hudson of the new film, The Skeleton Key. Hudson looks very lovely this evening but the outfit she's wearing made me realize how flat-chested she is. I never really noticed it before, but I must say that her outfit was an unfortunate choice. The girly side of me thinks that she could've picked a better top. Anyway, at the mention of her child (at 19 months now!), the audience claps loudly. "The people applaud your ability to reproduce internally," Stewart explains. Apparently most guests can only reproduce asexually... with spores and all that. This interview consists mostly of kid talk, barely anything about the upcoming film. Hudson's kid can walk and talk a bit and occasionally disobeys. Stewart offers to send him to brat camp but Hudson says that she'd rather have her kid go to Juvie than brat camp. At the end, Stewart says that his kid and Hudson's kid might end up in a band together someday. Hmm... The Stewart-Hudson Connection. Stewart-Hudson Experiment. Hudson-Stewart Collective. I guess they'll have to work on that later.

And now, your Moment of Zen: Bush speaking about the war on terror and then taking a chainsaw to a tree stump. Have at it, George!

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