Gene Simmons' Rock School: the final band

They're only three weeks in and Gene Simmons and the kids have four weeks until their final exam (opening for Motorhead). Simmons is looking for a keyboard player so he holds auditions. The kids play fairly well but it's usually only classical pieces. Camilla, with her hair pulled tight behind her head, is still not into the whole rock scene. During the audition, she finally lets her hair down (literally), and swings it about a bit while playing a piece. It's definitely not a rock piece but she tripped up on so many notes that she decided to let go and speed it up. It added something extra and Simmons was impressed to see this change in Camilla's efforts.

And, since they're down to the final two positions (keyboard and bass), the kids that haven't gotten positions already realize that the next few days are crucial. No one wants to be the stage manager or the waterboy. The kids that aren't auditioning with Simmons are getting restless. He may be busy getting a rock band together but he's obviously not paying enough attention to each kid. Kids are talking and passing notes around to kill time. Frances and Dudders have a budding relationship. They're, like, totally crushing on each other, you guys.

Mr. Simmons, in order to spread more rock, does a performance for some adults that, honestly, don't look like his typical crowd. They're dressed nicely in sweaters and khakis and I don't think there was a single person that was under 60 years-old. He plays KISS' "Rock & Roll All Night", trying to get the people to clap along. They give in and clap -- well, they try to, anyway. They're terribly off-beat. I suppose you can't really blame them since it's not like you normally clap along to Chopin or Mozart. Some even start singing along, which was really nice to see. At the end, the adults say they didn't like the music in the most polite way possible. Things like, "Not quite my style... sorry". Clearly rock isn't their cup of tea.

Later, auditions start up for a bassist. "You have to play this like a weapon," Simmons says to the class. I don't think any of the kids can be vicious enough to even carry pepper spray let alone wield a bass. Each kid comes up and gives it a try, strumming the same note over and over again. It's all about attitude so the music doesn't really matter at this point. Camilla takes down her librarian hairstyle again and tries it out. She really doesn't like it because she doesn't feel as though she's really playing music, simply strumming the continual C. Simmons finally realizes that none of the kids can play bass. They're all holding the pick wrong or don't know how to use the fretboard. The kids don't really care about how good the playing is... all they want is a spot onstage.

It's not just the kids questioning Simmon's teaching because the Deputy Head of the school hasn't been cutting him any slack. She says that he hasn't found a way to engage the rest of the class in activity when he's focusing with one student and their instrument. It's inevitable that some of the kids are going to feel neglected. To try and pull spirits up, Mr. Simmons takes the students to a KISS tribute band. It's loud and rocking and something new for the kids. They're not really into the music but they thoroughly enjoyed the performance (complete with pyrotechnics and special effects). The stage presence of each member was wonderful and showed the kids that it's more about attitude than talent.

It took a while, but Simmons finally decides on a line-up for the band. So far we've got Dudders on drums, Bagpuss on guitar, and The Emperor on lead vocals. He decides to throw Mr. Cool on keyboard and the boy cannot be happier to have a spot onstage and not as a techie. Unfortunately, no one can play bass well enough for Simmons to make a confident decision so he announces that he's going to have a little experiment. He's going to put one person on the bass and put them for a trial run. If he feels like their performance isn't good enough, he'll replace them. The first person to take on this position is Camilla (who still doesn't have a rock name... how disappointing). She's excited about having a spot even though she's not particularly excited about having the bass. Camilla says that she doesn't plan on becoming a rock star or a bassist and feels guilty for even getting the part because it's almost as if she's taking someone else's opportunity. She looks like she's ready to take on the job, though.

As for the other kids, they're feeling even more neglected. There are still about five other kids that have been completely left out. When Simmons works with the band onstage, the others idly sit by. Frances and Fiona actually walk out during the middle of the lesson and are completely unnoticed. They complain about their situation. They say that they're not upset with the final line-up (in fact, they're pleased with it) but that Simmons isn't dealing well with the offstage kids. Simmons feels no pity. He says that jobs in the real world are just like this... some get it, some don't. "Welcome to planet Earth," he says from behind his shady glasses. Of course, the onstage kids aren't having any qualms about it. They're getting into the rock mentality, saying that they're the best member of the group and whatnot. Uh-oh, kids are getting cocky...

Next week, Simmons will be putting the offstage kids to work (managers, stylists, etc.) and The Emperor feels embarrassed about being a lead singer that can't stay in time.