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July 30, 2014

Extra Hollywood Access: My heart will go on (and on and on)

by Adam Finley, posted Sep 16th 2005 1:58PM

Emmy buzz seems to be ruling the infotainment shows these days, but we've got bigger fish to fry, so let's cut this introduction short and dive head first into the shallow end of the celebrity pool:

On Extra, Tyra Banks talked about her new talk show, which will feature an actual runway that her guests can walk up and down for some reason. Have you ever been stuck in a group for some high school or college project and one person always comes up with these "amazing" ideas, completely unaware of the fact that their ideas are actually quite terrible? But you couldn't convince them otherwise because they were so sure their ideas were gold? Tyra Banks is that person. She then gave a tour of her posh dressing room and named every company that helped furnish it. I give Tyra Banks one month. I don't mean I give her show one month, I mean I give HER one month until the audience becomes so annoyed they actually attack and eat her on the air.

The celebrity worship and egregious product placements continued on Entertainment Tonight, where Cameron Diaz forgot the name of her designer before being told by her publicist. If it makes Cameron feel any better, I have no idea who silk-screened my Zippy the Pinhead T-shirt, and I don't have a publicist to save me from embarrassment if someone asks me. Later, Aretha Franklin spoke about the late Luther Vandross. Aretha has taken to holding her microphone out to the audience during songs, I assume so she can catch her breath before struggling her way through another lyric. The "holding the mic out" thing is a sure sign you're getting older and losing your chops. This was followed by concert footage of Aretha walking onto the stage, placing one of her records on a turntable, and saying, "Okay, there you go. Somebody holler when it gets to the end of side one and I'll get one of the roadies to flip it over."

If there exists a metaphysical bridge between "gay" and "Southern" it is Clay Aiken, who showed up on The Insider as a correspondent, and, actually, did a pretty good job. Pat O'Brien informed us about the upcoming "controversial" interview with Prince Harry, which somehow stirred up controversy despite nobody having seen it yet. O'Brien then told us about a "delicious" sandwich he hadn't eaten and promptly disappeared into his time machine. There was more talk about Luther Vandross and the upcoming tribute album, which will feature, among others, Celine Dion, who claims that she never gets tired of singing "My Heart Will Go On." She then spoke about her rare health condition that makes it impossible for her to hear herself. Fast forward to a fashion shoot with Eva Longoria, who looks smoking hot even in a sweater and winter coat. I think I can say without hyperbole that Eva Longoria is so hot that if she passed me on the other side of a concrete wall that was separating us and I wasn't even aware of her presence I would still be turned on.

Okay, that's all the infotainment that could fit in my brain without it taking over important motor functions. See you next time...

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Rainee Sue

I'd like to apologize for the rest of the Clay Aiken fandom. They're a bit touchy. I'd file him under "flaming but straight", with the rationale that, if he WERE gay, and trying to ACT straight, he would act straighter than he does. He's just a straight guy who doesn't care.

September 19 2005 at 1:43 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
L. Smith

Why do some people who have access to a public forum use the privilege to mock gays/alleged gays, obese people, public figures, etc. It is particularily harsh when these prejudical and judgemental comments single out a specific individual. Who decides that certain qualities or circumstances warrant comment or intense scrutiny? I, for one, don't find it professional or ethical. I often suspect that people who are attracted to this style of reporting were former school bullies who just couldn't give up the rush it gives them to belittle others on a daily basis.

September 18 2005 at 2:25 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Gudlyf

Eh, don't let the comments get to you. It's rabid fans scanning for the "clay aiken" tag on blogs. The same thing happened when I mentioned something about Alan Rickman (http://www.cinematical.com/2005/05/18/the-100-best-movie-voices-of-all-time/). 48 comments telling me how sweet the man's voice is. Enough already!

September 18 2005 at 11:57 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Shirley

Hey there, Interesting read. Thank you for noticing that Clay did "a pretty good job" on the Insider piece.Actually, Clay always does a "very good" job on everything he does. He's a hard worker and deserves any praise he receives. Your other comment was uncalled for and aside from drawing attention to your piece, served no purpose.I am assuming you ran out of adjectives......I am sure you didn't mean to offend anyone....right? Good luck with your career...your people skills could use some work.

September 17 2005 at 2:58 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Shirley

Hey there, Interesting read. Thank you for noticing that Clay did "a pretty good job" on the Insider piece.Actually, Clay always does a "very good" job on everything he does. He's a hard worker and deserves any praise he receives. Your other comment was uncalled for and aside from drawing attention to your piece, served no purpose.I am assuming you ran out of adjectives......I am sure you didn't mean to offend anyone....right? Good luck with your career...your people skills could use some work.

September 17 2005 at 2:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Sherry

Ho, Hum! The same tired old insinuation; a gentle nature being confused with gender preference by a male writer who wants to show how "cool" he is. At least you admit that Clay did a good job commentating. Clay's mother was interviewed once by a fansite and she was asked why Clay won't be more aggressive in speaking up for himself on the subject of his manhood. He just won't; to throw a hissy fit would indicate that he thought there was something wrong with being gay. Clay's compassion and respect for everyone is given unconditionally, unlike men with a bad case of shoe size envy.

September 17 2005 at 2:50 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Ann

If there exists a metaphysical bridge between "gay" and "Southern" it is Clay Aiken, who showed up on The Insider as a correspondent, and, actually, did a pretty good job. Actually. Clay Aiken does most things very well. Look beyond the label the media has put on him and you would have noticed this before now.

September 17 2005 at 10:27 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Pat

Actually, Mark, Clay has stated several times that he`s not gay. And all his family, male buddies & girlfriends from home back him up. They`re all getting sick of having to repeat themseulves, especially about something that`s no one`s business to begin with. He`s a devout Christian who has made a commitment to save sex for marriage. It`s much more common than you think. He has also stated that he feels ``hooking up`` with women who throw themselves at him is disrespectful to the women & dishonorable as a man. Yes, some people in LaLaLand really do have morals. And just because he doesn`t parade his dates for public consumption doesn`t mean he doesn`t have any. According to his roommates, he has been casually dating in the last couple of years. Finally, name one straight male who doesn`t consider being called ``gay`` an insult? Clay does & said so in a recent interview. He tries to brush it off ... he knows being a popular celeb makes him a target ... he knows being adored by women of all ages makes small~minded men jealous & resentful ... he knows being nerdy brings out the childish bullies ... but his fans know it`s got to hurt deep down being the innocent target of such unprecedented, relentless, hateful bashing & thus it makes them fight back.

September 17 2005 at 9:33 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Pamela

I think what you don't understand when you read the comments about "even if Clay were gay" is not that people are homophobic, but that a lot of females have crushes on Clay, and it would hurt to find out he is gay. It has nothing to do with being homophobic.

September 17 2005 at 1:35 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Tim

I guess tonight they let the rabid clay fan's out of their cages to play on the internet! Relax people! Damn.

September 17 2005 at 1:23 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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