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May 21, 2012

America's Next Top Model: Episode 5

by Lacy Hall, posted Oct 12th 2005 11:16PM

lisa bitchEverybody sing along now! Lisa's a bitch, a bitch, she's a bitch, bitch, bitch. A bitch, a bitch, bitch. A bitch, bitch, bitch. Bitch, bitch, bitch. (Big finale, so get those twinkle fingers in the air) Liiiiiisa's a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch! Yeah! Why is Lisa such a bitch? And apparently, she's an alcoholic bitch. I knew she was boozing it up way back in Episode 2. Whenever you see someone on a reality show drinking too much from the same unmarked "drinking glass," you know they're boozing. And Lisa is boozing. That's not Sprite; that's vodka.

Did you see how she wouldn't let Nicole have a swig of her vodka? She just wanted a swig. Lisa had a whole bottle, plus a couple of other ones. She was like, "No, I don't want to share." How much do you need to be drinking while you're competing on a national talent/reality show competition? You'd think she'd cool it a little, but I guess alcoholics can't. If she brings a flask out at a photo shoot...I'm gonna fall off the couch and land on the floor.

And why was Lisa being such a bitch to Coryn? Okay, we all know that Coryn is secretly a man. We've talked about this before, but the girl is trying. She got the eyebrows waxed. She can't help it that she's so skinny and diesel. Okay, maybe she can. Perhaps a few White Castle burgers (a few hundred) would help the "curvitization/femination" of her body. But by the looks of Coryn, all those little hamburgers would just go to her biceps, not her hips. Still...Lisa had no right to be so critical of her. It's the judges' job to be critical, not fellow models. Plus, who is Lisa kidding? Her face looks like a man. She's totally got the Sandra Bernhard thing going. She should stop kidding herself.

I did love the special guest photographer this week...Janice Dickinson. I especially liked how Janet out-bitched Lisa. And what did Lisa do? She cried. I think that by making Lisa cry, we got to not only see how weak Lisa truly is, but also see the superior powers of Janice's bitchiness. She's not just the first Super Model; she's the first Super Bitch. Janice forever!

I really liked this week's photoshoot. Way better than last week's, which was sorta lame. (The Fashion Don't Witch? Come on!) The exaggerated plastic surgery thing was great. And how hilarious was it that Janice was the photographer? Miss Plastic Surgery Superstar herself. But I disagree with the judges' decision to send Diane home. Sure, she was going to go home eventually, but I didn't think it was her week. Not yet. I thought it was Kim's week. Kim sucks. I'm sorry. In all her pictures, she's got the same face. The same face! She hasn't been studying men's fashion magazines, like Tyra told her to. Her picture totally sucked. It was boring. Kim has about as much sex appeal as an oscillating fan. Plus, how many times did we see Janice yelling at her to show more expressions in her face. And yet, she kept just laying there like a dead androgynous lesbian...like she always does. Booooooring!

Next week's episode looks like things are going to heat up. Yes! The girls start to fight. Finally, some personalities (other than Lisa's) might start to emerge. It's only a matter of time before beautiful women get catty and the claws come out.   

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Elle

I don't care what anyone else says... Kim's smokin HoT! The fact that she has enough confidence in herself to be an open lesbian on national television... well thats just sexy! So she may need to work on changing up her looks, who cares, nobodies perfect... but at liest she's trying to improve, unlike so many people in this world. All in all I give kim 5 stars and two thumbs up for being a fiery hot lesbian who i know got at liest one gurls labido goin!

November 04 2005 at 12:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
PrettyByrd

I think Jayla is a total bitch for stealing the other model's lines for the Secret Platinum commercial. I hope that she reads these emails. I hope she loses and never gets a chance to ever model again. I mean after all....she's not all that cute. She looks like she didn't even lose all of her baby teeth. She needs to learn how to be honest and accept the fact that she was wrong and she's a thief. Nothing good will ever come to her.

October 25 2005 at 8:45 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
lisa fan

ok.. let's get serious. who WOULDN"T be drunk if you had to live in a house with a bunch of crazy b*****s?? i'd be boozing it up daily too. and who cares? when it comes down to it, lisa's the only one who gets the job done...and right. i'm sure everyone else in that house is jealous since lisa doesn't even have to try to take a good picture, nails her commercial, and can actually walk in heels. that man-girl thing they call coryn would probably have a better chance if she up'd her estrogen pills. perhaps she should call her sex change doctor.

October 23 2005 at 8:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
olivia

I love Lisa! I don't know what you guys are talking about. First of all (and lets get real) she is the most talented poser there. She takes super pictures and makes the clothes look stylish. Sure, they are all pretty but it takes more than being pretty to be a SUPERmodel. Yes, Lisa is out there and she needs to lay off the drinking BUT that does not take away her natural born talent. Most great talents are dysfunctional in their own right! Have nay of you ever met Madonna or Billy Joel?! A-holes but, hey, who is judging on "soul" here?! It is modeling people!!!!! Yes, Lisa comes off as arrogant but I do not think she means to come off that obnoxious. I think she has a good heart and it is coming out the wrong way because she is confident. The girl has something that makes her stand out and that is what sells. Ultimately that is what this is about. For those of you who love Janice - yes, she is a bitch but that bitch can sell jeans to me any day!

October 20 2005 at 11:25 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
weezy

Poor Coryn, she grew up with nothing on the hard streets of Minneapolis...which means she is "Stoic Ghetto" the worst kind of ghetto. Lisa is going to push her till Coryn has no choice to slap her upside the head with a pound of frozen Lutefisk. (We call it the ice pick on the streets, http://www.lutefiskmike.com/ no one wants to get hit by the ice, man, no one.) As for her body, do you really think eating and softening/fattening up is the answer? Then she will be told she needs to loose weight. I agree that the first time she put on a dress, it was very man in a dress looking, but I think that was more a function of her personality and that she can learn to be more open. She needs the Minnesota Reform Center for Persons In Need of Emotional Expression, you know MRCPINEE, they can help her unblock all that pent up emotion and find her soft expressions, her ability to cry, smileits not a pretty process, but very helpful. Lisa is a drunken, arrogant bitch, now I personally would need a stash to survive months of living with skeletal girls that cry too easily as wellbut I would have the sense to keep my mouth shut about the girls flawsfor the most part. Janice is great, I love her. She should have her own show; she is so much more entertaining than Tyra. I am sick of Tyras serious, sensitive side this show needs some personality. Twiggy is not a personality and when can we get that hot photographer guy to get his clothes off??? That will never happen without the wonderful influence of Janice. As for the poor girl getting the boot, I dont care that she was the one chosen. She had shown nothing, after the first episode, of interest. She was dull, she was plain, and she was barely able to form a sentence when spoken to. That is not PMS that is a far more lasting affliction. She was bound to get the boot sometime. Bre will certainly toughen up a bit and if she doesnt maybe we get to see her cry, too. That might be fun. As for little Kim, she does need to go. She is not a model. She can not move, she is not sexy, she doesnt look good in clothes or make-up, she has less emotional expression than Coryn, she has no ability to pose or walk naturally and now that she isnt making out with Sara or making fun of the Texan girl she is boring as well.

October 13 2005 at 11:52 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Emily

I wish they would stop putting "plus size models" in the competition. They never get past the half way mark. The industry just doesn't accept them. Diane is beautiful, but isn't very photogenic. I agree that Kim should have gone first - she has no talent at all and can't even fake looking feminine. I was really hoping Coryn was going piledrive Lisa right into the ground. Lisa may end up regretting pissing off the girl (I use that term loosely) that has the ability to literally kick her ass into next week. Nik, Nicole and Jayla are my favorites for the final 3 at this point.

October 13 2005 at 11:12 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Clint Scollon

You are a fucking bunch of lesbian sluts for getting rid of the perfect Diane. It is easier to cheer up (ever heard of PMS) than to negate critism if you are that sensitve. Clint

October 13 2005 at 1:31 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Clint Scollon

You just let Diane go and I am not going to watch the show anymore, for that was the biggest mistake you made thus far. I want to use much stronger language but you will not read my letter then. Can you please right this situation because she (Diane) can work on her sadness (ever heard of PMS) a lot easier than developing a skin of leather, (which usually takes a long if not a life time) that Bre has to (to withstand all the critizism of the modeling world). When I put this situation down on paper, your decision is even MORE STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A Big Fan (or used to be, before stupid choices); Clint Scollon

October 13 2005 at 12:14 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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