Kitchen Confidential: French Fight
Well I think it's safe to say that at this point I understand why this show is being canceled. It just isn't very funny. It's got a great cast, it's had great guest stars (John Larroquette previously and Michael Vartan tonight), and it's even produced by Darren Star. "Mr. All I do is Make Hit TV Shows" was due for another flop and his "order is up." Get that? Sneakin' in some crazy kitchen lingo on you.
As I mentioned, Michael Vartan guest starred tonight for a mini-reunion with his fellow Alias alum. Vartan plays a rival French chef who runs a small bistro around the corner. A feud breaks out between Vartan and Jack when Vartan steals a lamb dish off of Nolita's menu. To make matters worse, Vartan starts sleeping with Mimi whenever he gets a chance. The entire episode lays out an elaborate tit-for-tat campaign between the two chefs as they each try to "take-out" the other... oh god, I did it again. Jack steals the bread-maker from the French bistro because he apparently bakes the most amazing baguette ever. At one point Jack, Seth, Steven, and Teddy form an angry mob of sorts but instead of pitchforks and torches they have rolling pins and filet knives.
The back and forth continues until Vartan hacks into Nolita's computer system and places these delectable items on the menu: toilet burgers, monkey nipple salad, fart cakes, and fish penis & moose rectum lasagna with super butt cheese. Scrumptious, no? Steven steals the Freon cylinder from the bistro's refrigerator and this in turn leads to Nolita losing power - so Jack cooks by candlelight. In the end, it's Jim who comes through by simply making a call to immigration services. Turns out the frog chef had been a little lax on paying his taxes... so he got deported.
As I said, this was fun to see two former Alias stars but it still couldn't save the show. I'll tell you what I do like - the theme song. I've searched high and low and all I've found out is that it's sung by the lead singer of a band called Reed. Does anyone else have any more info on the tune?