....Ten best one-liners:

10. "Dad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!" - Stan, when Tom Cruise locked himself in his bedroom closet, on South Park.

9. "My maternal grandfather is the toughest man I know. In World War Two, he killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp." - Dwight, on The Office, before fighting his boss, Michael Scott.

8. "His eyes say 'I'm innocent,' his mouth says 'I'm not guilty,' and his hair says 'what can I do to put you in this LeSabre today?" - -Jon Stewart, on Tom Delay, on The Late Show With David Letterman.

7. "We the jury find the defendent...creepy." - David Letterman ("Top 10 Things Overheard At The Michael Jackson Trial").

6. "Alright, check this out. This is track two. It's called "Monster Eats The Pilot.'" - Charlie, performing his new song, on Lost.

5. Peter: Everybody, I got bad news. We've been cancelled.

Lois: Oh no. Peter, how could they do that?

Peter: Well unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more room on the
schedule. We've just got to accept the fact that Fox has to make room for
terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's
Show, Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin,
Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freakylinks, Wanda
At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal,
Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The $treet, American Embassy,
Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny.

Lois: Is there no hope?

Peter: Well, I suppose if all those shows go down the tubes, we might
have a shot. - The Family Guy.


4. "I got an idea for what you can do. You can f---ing fire your complete marketing team, alright? Get a new one in that knows how to market a show that won five mother-f---ing Emmys, Golden Globes, SAG awards, WAGA awards, DGA awards, Producers Guild awards, critics' top ten lists. If you can't market that kind of show and get better ratings, then maybe the problem doesn't lie here. Maybe it lies with marketing. Goodnight." David Cross, ranting about FOX's lack of faith in his critcally-acclaimed show, during a short segment on the Arrested Development, Season 2 DVD.

3. "You don't know the history of psychiatry.  I do." - Tom Cruise, talking to Matt Lauer about Brooke Shields' post-partum depression, on Today.

2. "George Bush doesn't care about black people." - Kanye West, going off-script during the NBC benefit for Hurricane Katrina victims.

1. "Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job." - President Bush, congratulating FEMA Director Michael Brown on his handling of Hurricane Katrina.

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