"Don't touch that dial, and if your TV has a dial... go get a new TV." Great quote to start off the show. As usual, Colbert has the time to scan the papers and feed us the news that really matters. Apparently news sources are reporting that Nabisco Mallomar cookies may be available year round as opposed to just the holiday season... I mean Christmas season (sorry Colbert Nation). A new technology, "refrigerated trucks," will aid in the shipment of the cookies so they don't melt. Man, we live during a truly remarkable period in history.

In other news, certain Native American groups are suing the US government over misuse of land, oil, timber, and other resources dating back to the mid 1800s. However, Colbert believes that the government has made amends by releasing two-cent Native American stamps. Which leads to last night's Word: satisfied? Colbert is 1/13th Chickasaw and he's uncertain that reparations are necessary since 12/13th of himself doesn't want to pay what he owes the other 1/13th. But hey, look at all the success of the Sacajawea dollar. Stephen uses it all the time, even though the businesses he frequents refer to him as "That F%#$ing Dollar Coin Guy."

Movies that are Destroying America. This was a new segment where Colbert reviews a few films... none of which he has seen. Especially funny was when he recommended Brokeback Mountain as a true family event, chock full of old-fashioned values. It's about cowboys so little boys will love it! Last night's guest was former presidential speech writer and journalist Peggy Noonan... anyone else notice she kind of looked like Jane Curtain? Now I've seen just about every episode of TCR, so I may be wrong here, but I think the was the best interview Stephen has had so far. The two of them had a great back and forth about who stopped the Cold War, Reagan or the Pope (Noonan just released a book on the Pope)? Stephen loved the late John Paul too. His four year old is named after him and around the house they call him Your Holiness.

Colbert ended the show by instituting a nation wide secret Santa, whereby he named the first two participants by randomly picking them out of a phonebook. It's their job to call two more people and so on and so forth. Eventually everyone has to send Stephen five bucks, but it will all go to "charity." I'll be waiting for my phone call because you know some people will actually try and do this.