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And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Bob Sassone, posted Dec 16th 2005 3:14PM

"The movie Brokeback Mountain opened this week. It's making history as the first western ever where the good guys get it in the end." - Tina Fey on SNL's Weekend Update (she said the joke was written by her father Don).
"Oh, good thing Chandler isn't here. He always wins at this game." - Rachel, to Monica, who asked, 'How desperate am I?", on Friends.
"I don't want to bore you with all the details, but it started like all these thing usually start, by me saying, 'oh, I can fix that." - David Letterman, on a nasty gash he had on his hand."
"I remember this place. Linda Ronstadt and I used to throw up in the bathroom here after a big meal. Apparently one of us dropped out of the program." - Nina, about the dive bar where Finch is playing, on Just Shoot Me.
"It's not straight, and you're going to get the Dickens kicked out of you." - Bill, to son Brian, who said his new group of mall Christmas carolers was 'straight out of Dickens,' on Still Standing.

Link Squad

Kim Kardashian and Hollywood's All-Time Shortest Marriages [The Hollywood Reporter]
Celebrities Say the Dumbest Things [Zap2It]
TV's Most Obvious Cliches [TV Guide]
Celebrity Bikini Body Secrets [Wetpaint]
Who Is Your Favorite ‘Glee’ Couple? [BuddyTV]
Animated TV Series That Deserve a Comeback [Television Without Pity]
Best and Worst Nudity of 2011 [EW]
TV’s Most Annoying Characters [Vulture]
Craziest Fan Attacks in Sports [Bleacher Report]

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bgdc

Who does this list? It's all old crappy shows! Best line of the week: Nobody sells coke in this pen without giving daddy a taste. - Arrested Development

December 16 2005 at 5:51 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply

Bob Sassone

Alec, two things: one, Still Standing is a very underrated sitcom. People lump it in with According To Jim and Yes, Dear, that's it just another "fat guy, hot wife" sitcom. It's not. It's a very funny show. Lots of great one-liners every episode. As for the one-liners, TV Squad has been and always will be about ALL television, whether it's 2005 or 1955. We like to mix it up. Some weeks the quotes are from all current shows, sometimes they are a mix of old and new. Hell, one week we might have quotes that all have the word "cheese" in them. Just so you know, those quotes from Friends and Just Shoot Me *are* from eps that ran this week in syndication.

December 16 2005 at 4:17 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply

Anthony

I can't believe that I watched that episode of Still Standing, but it was actually really funny. The beter quote was the from the wife: "Your father has a disability. He's lazy." - about why her husband couldn't help with all the Christmas errands

December 16 2005 at 4:02 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply

Alec

Are you kidding me with these one liners. I mean two of these shows are syndicated. And still standing? Should someone who watches still standing be writing a column about whats good? I think you guys should just reprint EW's quotes column. Those at least make sense.

December 16 2005 at 3:42 PM Report abuse Permalink rate up rate down Reply