An Oscars-host reality show? Hell yeah!

Just a couple weeks ago, we reported on the fascinating news that Chris Rock is not hosting the Oscars. Neither, apparently, is funnyman Billy Crystal. Crystal, who has a one-man show to open in Los Angeles next month, a movie to direct, and a book to write, is a just a little too busy to host Hollywood's biggest television event. With the Oscars just 10 short weeks away, the clock is ticking. I bet the producers are getting nervous as hell. Maybe they should shake things up and get Elton John to host while scantily-clad Pam Anderson pole dances behind him!

I have an idea for them for next year: they should do an Apprentice-type reality show to determine who gets to be the host. Bring in a slate of 10 stand-up comedians to vie for the prize of being the Oscar host, and make them do lots of tasks like entertain celebs at boring charity dinners, act as personal assistants to annoying celebs, and hold Paris Hilton's pet du jour while she shops at expensive boutiques on Rodeo Drive. The winner gets to dress in a rented tux and stand up on a stage in front of hundreds of bored celebs who just want to get up on stage, thank everyone from their first grade teacher to their proctologist, and take their trophy out to make the rounds of the after parties. Bonus points if the winner manages to offend Sean Penn.