The Daily Show: January 9, 2006

Hugo Chavez threatened to cut off the oil and now his bosom buddy, newly-elected Bolivian leader Evo Morales, has pledged to screw around with another important resource: cocaine. Yessir, Morales has promised to de-criminalize coca farming. The TDS translator thing (making him speak while drinking) was a little random...

And what the hell's up with Harry Belafonte all, like, calling Bush the "greatest tyrant in the word, greatest terrorist in the world"? Isn't he supposed to be a Goodwill Ambassador? And is Bush really a greater terrorist than Bin Laden (who has a "Greatest Terrorist in the World" mug from his grandchildren to back him up)? Anyway, Belafonte said told Chavez that millions of Americans were supporting Venezuela's revolution. Jon can't help but be amused by this, saying, "I don't there are millions of Americans who know where Venezuela is..."

El Calypsologist Senior Correspondent Rob Corddry joined in to talk about Belafonte. I truly expected a "lime in the coconut" joke at any moment (lime in the cocaine? I don't know... I was expecting any sort of half-assed variation) but I was wrong... Instead, we got some "Banana Boat" jokes (y'know, they daaay-o song). Bottom line is... Mr. Harry Belafonte be bananas.

"This is Wire Tap" (yeah, they used it again... What can I say? It was a crowd-pleaser): Ahh, the always creepy Lord Cheney has arisen once again! He greeted everyone by hoping that they had a pleasant vacation. He then went on to talk about his own holiday season in the most absolutely unenthusiastic, robot-like fashion ever (in other words, just like regular ol' Cheney). Of course, they talked about the eavesdropping and the national security and all that fun stuff, all of which Cheney defended. Jon questions the use of possible code words taken from phone conversations... Apparently wishy-washiness over the phone works better than documents like "Bin Laden Determined To Attack Inside The United States".

Cheney recently had a health scare and had to be rushed to the hospital. Ed Helms explained that this was because he recently made a speech at the Heritage Foundation and there was some dissent. Vice President Cheney, in case you didn't know, is very allergic to dissent. For example, after the post-Katrina "Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney" incident, his head swelled to the size of a medicine ball. Apparently one of the busboys at the Heritage event had voted for Nader in 2004. According to Helms, Cheney plans to recover in his special sarcophagus (which seems to continuously play John Ashcroft's song, "Let the Eagle Soar").

The night's guest was James Risen, author of State of War. He and Jon discussed whistleblowers that came out to talk to Risen and WMDs and the current national security issue. Jon tried comparing the need for whistleblowers' protection to those involved with the Plame case but Risen totally shot him down and said the two situations are polar opposites. Ouch.

During the Jon/Stephen check-up, Jon asked him what he did during his vacation. Stephen, as a devout Catholic, spent his time-off visiting numerous holy sites dedicated to saints, including St. Croix and St. Barts. The best pilgrimage is a pilgrimage with daiquiris. Moment of Zen: An Asian-lady-robot saying, "My body is amazing under these clothes..." What the hell? I had to look this one up... Her name is Actroid and, well, she's cool.