"Sam's Club": Ahh... The Senate hearings for Alito have started. Reactions have been mixed all over Washington... Bush hoped for dignified dignity with an extra side of dignity (which means no ball-scratching), Dick Durbin tried pinning Alito to the recent mining tragedy, and Tom Coburn tried throwing abortion and the "hey, if sodomy is protected, why isn't prostitution?" card in. Ladies and gentlemen, the definition of class! Commence your sarcastic slow-clap. Jon really did do a poor Jerry Seinfeld impression, haha. The Seinfeld twangy-bass-theme noise made up for it though.

"What's Senator Ted Kennedy Reacting To?": Jon and the audience tried to guess what Kennedy's eye roll and head shake was for. Apparently, Kennedy has a special reaction for absolutely every situation (including the sudden appearance of a six-foot hoagie, apparently).

"Ready, Willing, and Cable": The town of Clark, Texas decided to change their name to Dish, Texas as part of a marketing deal with Dish Network (all the of the townspeople get ten years of free TV). In a time when rural people are all moving to places with stuff like "stimulation" and "shit to do", a small town needs to do something big like this for recognition. According to Ed Helms, Dish is not the first place to make a move like this (Adult on-Demand, Missouri preceded). Although not everyone is happy with the name change (including the man that the town was originally named after when it was founded in 2000) but everyone is enjoying the free TV (um... including the man that the town was originally named after when it was founded in 2000... He likes Two and a Half Men). Best part of the segment was when Helms actually managed to get the tweedy intellectual to start arguing about Oscar the Grouch (Oscar can't eat plastic!).

The night's guest was comedy king Albert Brooks. He talked about his new film, Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, and shared some anecdotes from the screening at the Dubai International Film Festival. I thought it was a very funny interview and the film actually looks pretty interesting (in the film, Brooks is charged with a mission by the government to go to the Mid-East and find out what Muslims consider humorous).

Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, who congratulated Jon on his Oscar "gig" in the most wonderfully douchebag-y manner (yes, "douchebag-y"). Moment of Zen: Oh, silly Mr. Alito and his awkward pauses...