American Idol: Denver Auditions
Of course, not all the rockers were bad. Chris Daugherty brought along his tearful wife and did a Joe Cocker cover justice. Simon wasn't as impressed, but Randy and Paula were, sending Chris to Hollywood. I thought Chris was okay. Not great, but okay. What I really liked was how he used his wife's curly hair to shield his crying face while he hugged her. I love it when guys do that. Especially, rocker dudes.
Denver didn't just have rockers, it also had cowboys. The best was Garet (and I might be spelling his name wrong, forgive me, but that's how I wrote it down). Garet is a little dude in a big cowboy hat that works on a farm herding cattle. He was so nervous before the audition that he couldn't even speak. As he explained, "I normally sing in front of a turkey." His rendition of an Elton John song was good enough to put the judges on the fence, but it was his ackwardly adorable personality that got him a ticket to Hollywood. But mostly, Randy just wanted to send him on his first airplane ride.
I was really hoping for more crazies in tonight's auditions, but Denver was in short supply. I guess that's a good thing for Denver, but a bad thing for viewers. Nobody tonight was on Mr. Sweaty Pit level of coo-coo-ness, but we had a few close calls. But speaking of sweaty pits...Did anybody check out Simon's sweaty pits tonight? He had two huge pit stains soaking through his black shirt. I know he wears that leotard shirt pretty tight, but that's a lot of sweat to show on a black shirt like that. And, why is he sweating? He's not the one being judged. Maybe Paula turns him on. Or Randy.
But don't be fooled, Denver was not without the crazies totally. My personal favorite was Nick McCord a.k.a. Flawless. I didn't just love him for his multiple pajama outfits, or even for how he described them ("I don't think of them as pajamas, but as comfortable and lingering"). I loved him because he is an ent-pere-neure-re (his pronunciation), and started his own cleaning business, Paradise Cleaning. The slogan is "You come home and your home is smelling like paradise." He admits that it's a little bit of tongue twister, "but that's the way [he] wanted it." Of course, every nutbag needs a sidekick and he found one in Ben. Ben didn't have any cool outfits that resembled Tablecloth Discount Day at the Yarn Barn, but he did bring along a Cosmic Coaster, an invention of his own design. This means that Ben too is an ent-pere-neure-re. The Cosmic Coaster is a ridiculously elaborate drink coaster that weighs 10 pounds and bounces your cocktail an unnecessary and unimpressive inch off the table. That's, of course, when it doesn't just flip the drink onto the ground. Needless to say, neither made it to Hollywood.
Nor did Zachary, an androgynous boy who showed up wearing high heels, and the kind of boring and conservative outfit that Bree VandeKamp would wear on a first date...in the 4th grade. He sang Whitney Houston's "Queen of the Night" and it was pretty good, but the judges said no. His voice just wasn't good enough. When Zachary came out of the audition room he was absolutely livid that he wasn't chosen because "Simon and all of [bad word] America is prejudice against...." and Zachary sort of trailed off with the end of that sentence. I think he meant to say transgender performers, but who knows? I have no idea what to say about Zachary. I've typed about 12 different sentences here and I just keep deleting them. I don't know. I just don't know. Is America prejudiced against transgender performers? Not really, i.e. David Bowie, RuPaul, k.d. lang. Is American Idol? Absolutely. Was Zachary the guy that was going to break right through that mold and prove Simon and American Idol wrong? Not so much.
My favorite talented singer was Rochelle Elaine. I loved Rochelle. Not just because her voice was magnificent, but because she showed up with a posse of 14 people that each wore a lettered white t-shirt that spelled out her name. But wait, there's more. Rochelle was really counting on making it to Hollywood because (as she tearfully explained) she had just been evicted from her second home. Okay, you show up to an audition with a fan club of 14. Why can't you live with one of those jokers? Tell them that if they really want to support your dream, they need to take off that stupid white t-shirt and let you sleep on their couch. Heck, maybe even buy you a futon or something. Take you out to a nice dinner at the Olive Garden. It's not a lot to ask from someone who might be the next American Idol.
Auditions resume Tuesday night at 8pm (2 hour show) in North Carolina, home to Clay and Fantasia.
Denver Crazy Factor: 3; Seacrest Rock Out Factor: 5.5; Simon Sweaty Pit Tribute: 10; Turkey Mentions: 1