The Daily Show: January 19, 2006

Cue the ominous music, because Osama's back with a new video, threatening more attacks on American soil. He also offered, in return for some favors, a truce, a sort of olive branch... a terrible, terrible burning olive branch. If you missed any of Osama's videos, just check him out on iTunes, where you can find all his latest hits (including "Death Cab for Cutie to America" and "In Da Cave"). It won't be long until he starts podcasting.

"Indecision 2006" (Canadian-style!): Prime Minister Paul Martin vs. Stephen Harper (aka that guy that looks like Rex from Desperate Housewives) for the position of top dog, yo. The anti-Martin and anti-Harper ads were really weak compared to the caustic American ones (but are ten times funnier because, Canadians really do use "eh?", as proven by the end of the anti-Harper ad) so TDS showed them how it's done. They aired a couple of anti-Canada ads, mocking Canadians for not severing ties from the British until 1982. "What's the matter, Canada? Didn't wanna leave your girlfriend?" it asked, playing footage of the Queen and the sound of a whip cracking. Whipped!

The Canadian government and Canadian Broadcasting Company decided that debate footage from the election would not be allowed to be used for satirical purposes, so TDS had to lift footage from the Internet. Jon followed up by doing a bunch of rude faux-French (caption underneath: "Crude impresion of what Québécois sounds like to vulgar American ears"). Should I feel bad that Jon sounded they way I do when I'm actually trying to speak French? Anyway, Jon watched some more debate footage and then decided "this shit's so dull... I don't even want to make make fun of it". Before Jon could go much further though, Canadian and new mommy (I guess it was pretty recent since I just found out about this yesterday and they've never mentioned it on the show before) Samantha Bee called in to warn him about the wrath of the Canadian government and CBC. They'll send letters... and then archive them... for future reference. Scary. The final picture that they used for Samantha was one with her head Photoshopped onto a breastfeeding woman. And that was when half of the Samantha Bee lovers in the nation died from joygasms.

"American Resolutions": Following his brother, Nate Corddry filed a report on his 2006 resolution: "Showing them. Showing them all". Apparently, Nate has been kicked around and picked on. Time to make a change. This was a hysterical segment, complete with Nate asking for bonesaws (wholesale, of course) and rentable crossbows to exact revenge on people from a sixth-grade bully to "that guy one the subway that one time" to Neil Patrick-Harris. My favorite part was when Nate was walking down the hallway and his older brother, Rob Corddry, stopped him and slapped him about five times. Awww.

The night's guest was Josh Lucas from Glory Road. Jon asked Josh about his own athletic background (not much, heh) and the story behind the film. The conversation later steered towards violence (erm, I don't mean Josh punched Jon in the face, but they talked about fighting) and Josh admitted that he had once gotten into a really bad fight but it was all to defend a lady. Brownie points for Mr. Lucas. For an entertainment interview, this was pretty damn good.

Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, who offered to put Jon's potential Canadian enemies on his "Dead to Me" list. Jon thanked Stephen but declined. Jon hurt Stephen's feelings. Stephen sad. Moment of Zen: Lift-off for NASA's Horizons spacecraft.