The Daily Show: January 25, 2006

Bush's buddies in Washington continue to support the wire-tapping across the nation. The team includes Karl "The Maestro" Rove, Dan "Sweetlips Johnson" Bartlett, Dick "The Dick" Cheney, and Alberto "The Consiglieri" Gonzalez. Their main defense? Explaining how much of a pain it is to get warrants. Nice work, boys. 

"American Resolutions": Ed Helms explained his New Year's resolution to everyone... "My job sucks, Jon. And that's why my New Year's resolution is to get a new one!" Ignoring Jon's surprise, Ed went on to chronicle his adventures job-hunting. He got a career advisor, some neat resumes (he didn't have an impressive background so he opted to print out a bunch of the sample resumes on "fireball fuschia" cardstock). His listed hobbies included collecting cermaic shoes and pornographic embroidery, and his biggest skill was "conducting satirical interviews, during which I make the interviewee, or "pansy", feel tense, awkward, and often foolish". There was a tie for the best part of this segment: Ed describing his boss (Jon) as a cross between the crazy Willy Wonka and the psycho Hitler, and Nate Corddry unexpectedly popping in to say hi during one of Ed's secret job searches, causing Ed to fling his laptop out the window.

The night's guest was Sir Anthony Hopkins, star of the new film The World's Fastest Indian. Hopkins enlightened the crowd about the life of the man he portrayed in the film, Burt Munro. He then talked about his career a bit and even made a little joke about forgetting that he once played Hitler ("I thought it was Charlie Chaplin!"). Hopkins was amazingly charming and a very fun guest. He concluded the interview by leaping forward and peeling off the first three layers of Jon's face with his teeth. Okay, not really.

When Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, Colbert couldn't hear any audio and started bitching at the crew because he really had to do the "stupid Jon thing". His annoyance peaked with his impression of Jon: "Oh no! The audio's not working! My nipples are twisted in despair!" Moment of Zen: Ed Helms wants you to hire him! ... Now! Please. Oh, please, please. For the love of God, please hire him now.