The Daily Show: January 30, 2006

Jon started off by commenting on how huge Exxon (still) is, pulling in a huge $10.7 billion a year. They're so rich now, they've actually started buying tankers of oil for the sole purpose of crashing into Alaska. Plus, their tiger looks pimpin'.

"The Great Firewall of China": Google has agreed to censor their Chinese websearches. That's a little... strange. Jon tested out the new censored Google by running a search for "underage Asian beaver" and clicking "I'm feeling undying obedience to our fearless leader". Up came a Beijing Online article about the high birth rate of beavers.

Hey, wanna see Oprah rip someone's head off? Well, just take a look at her confrontation with James Frey and his less-than-truthful book. If you thought that was bad, just wait until Oprah finds out that Dr. Phil is full of shit. Jon posed an interesting question... Why is Oprah tougher on liars than our own real press? Hmm. Ponder that.

Ed Helms filed a report about one man's fight for freedom. Freedom of speech, that is. And by "speech", I mean "to show his ass". Ray McNealy, a Maryland man, was extremely offended when some lady insulted his dog, so he flashed part of his buttock at her. This caused an uproar and he had to go to court for indecent exposure. He claimed that he was just exercising his "freedom of speech". McNealy also described himself as an "American hero", prompting Ed Helms to sing the theme song from Greatest American Hero.

The night's guest was American Idol judge Randy Jackson. Jon spent most of the interview asking Randy why Simon Cowell is such a douchebag. He said that he understood that some kids really do need to be turned away, but Simon is just excessively mean (Jon described it as ripping out their souls, sticking it in a blender, and then drinking it in front of them... and then pissing their souls back onto their own shoes). Randy tried defending Simon by saying that he's really a good guy and the TV just offers a twisted view of him. Jon persists though and asks, "Why don't you beat his ass?" Actually, I think that would be more entertaining than another normal episode of American Idol. Jackson vs. Cowell... Or better yet, Jackson & Cowell vs. Abdul. Sweet.

Jon and Stephen Colbert had a little bit of watercooler talk (complete with an actual watercooler). Moment of Zen: Kids, the moral of the story is to not piss off Oprah.