And thanks to Botox, you'll continue to make that face for the next few weeks. Enjoy!

I hope the director doesn't yell "Cut!"

*The timer goes off.
Earl: does that mean its time for your drops.
Grandma: no.
Earl: I think that means its time for your drops.
Grandma: no it doesnt.
Earl: (pulls car over) now I have to give you your drops or theyll dry out.
Grandma: I dont like them.
Earl: I know, just give me your head.
Grandma; I dont wanna
Earl: give me your head
Grandma: no.
Earl: youre gonna make me wrestle you arent you?
Grandma: yes.
Earl: (sighs) alright. Lets do this.

Jack, Stop... When i said I would 'keep an eye out' for the bad guys, I did not mean it literally

You know if it weren't so dark in here I could actually see that sliver you wanted me to pull out of your finger. That is your finger right?

"I'm telling you, this is how they did "Squeezing Your Head" on 'The Kids In The Hall'!"

Newsflash: Jack Bauer cures pink eye.

Duct tape? MacGyver's a pussy. Jack Bauer can perform lasik with a wooden spoon.

"Jack will put your eye out, kid..."

Sing it with me now, "When Irish eyes are prying..."