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May 20, 2013

And I Quote: the best one-liners of the week

by Bob Sassone, posted Feb 10th 2006 1:50PM

  • Stephen Colbert"The guy's a conversational cul-de-sac." - Tom, about Bran's boring boss, on Love Monkey.
  • "I will not be karma's bitch." - Earl, trying to take a little time off from helping people on his list, on My Name Is Earl. 
  • "What the hell is that?!" - Rich, to Miles about Nim in the back seat of the car, on Surface.
  • "On Monday, customs agents confiscated hundreds of pounds of cocaine and two pouds of Ecstasy aboard a Haitian freighter. But tonight's Grammy Awards still went on." - Jay Leno
  • "I ask myself that every day." - Stephen Colbert, asking an expert "Why can't people smoke where they want?" and getting the answer "Why can't people masturbate where they want?" as a reply, on The Daily Show.  

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Keith

Oh, THAT quote. Never mind, forget what I said!

February 12 2006 at 1:14 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Keith

I think you meant to attribute Stephen Colbert's quote to The Colbert Report, not The Daily Show.

February 12 2006 at 1:03 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Will

I don't watch Surface but I have a hard time buying "what the hell is that" as a great one-liner.and what about Hurley's "you gonna put the lime in the cocconut and drink it all up?" on Lost?

February 10 2006 at 4:50 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Joel Keller

On the Colbert Report, he had a segment on "how to be a celebrity couple". First tip was "combine names to make a catchy nickname for the press":

Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt: "Brangelina"
Ben Affleck/Jennifer Garner: "Bennifer 2"
Felicity Huffman/William H. Macy: "Filliam H. Muffman"

Colbert almost lost it after that; it was one of the first times I've seen him do anything more than smile after a particularly funny line.

February 10 2006 at 3:27 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Anthony

Kojo on ET describing Teri Hatcher's dress on the Grammys:
"I saw all the way down her Wisteria Lane."

February 10 2006 at 2:43 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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