The Daily Show: February 13, 2006

Mr. Jon Stewart was back with a whole new week of Daily Show (sorry, Rob, it just wasn't the same without Jon). The "1800th episode" line tied back to a fan's question from the pre-show warm-up. Read her blog entry about the event. It's a sweet story... It just makes you want to love Jon even more.

Well, it was no surprise that the first news to be reported was "Cheney's Got A Gun". Vice President Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old man. In the face. While quail-hunting. The face. While quail-hunting. The injured man, Harry Whittington, is the first person to be shot by a sitting Veep since Alexander Hamilton. At least the Aaron Burr story had some good meat to it... The Hamilton/Burr fight was over political maneuvering, but the Cheney/Whittington case was that Cheney mistook Whittington for a bird.

In case you still didn't catch on to how bizarre the situation was, Ed Helms came on to drive the point home (with a re-enactment complete with Dan Bakkedahl dressed as Whittington -- but he looked like Andy Warhol, I thought -- jumping in the way of the Veep's game of "Duckhunt"). Rob Corddry also joined in to explain that Cheney still stands by his decision to shoot Whittington, a 78 year-old man, in the face. After all, if he didn't shoot Whittington, a 78 year-old man, in the face, the actual quails would have thought America was weak.

By the way, Dick Cheney shot a 78 year-old man. In the face.

Jon had spent the last few days trying to recover from both a fever, flu, and a new baby. He could sense the delirium setting in and thought he had finally lost his mind when he saw dancing trees on the television. Ah, but it was no delirium, good sir. It was... the Winter Olympics! Insert fanfare here. Yeah, the opening ceremonies were a little more than bizarre, with plenty of "WTF?" moments (dancing trees; gay, robotic cage dancing?). Even weirder, American 80s pop tunes blasted through the stadium as the countries of the world made their entrances. This was no joke... Iran came in to "Funkytown" (because "Death-to-America-ville" is not a song... yet), Mongolia came in to The Buggles' "Video Killed the Radio Star", and Denmark came in to "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood". Bravo.

With 80s music playing for everyone, it should have been a righteous time, yeah? Not if Brian Williams can help it! The guy totally killed the mood by bringing up all the crappy history of each country. C'mon, man. The only animosity here should be based on athletics, so let it go. Yoko Ono also helped out with the opening ceremonies by delivering a speech. "Ono then broke up Britain's four-man bobsled team..."

The night's guest was Astronaut Mike Mullane. Eh, I've got to admit, it was kind of boring. I mean, that might just be because NASA and planets and stars just ain't my bag. At least Mullane seemed genuinely passionate about his work. Oh, and I did learn a fun fact: you can't take on the title "Astronaut" until they've exceeded 50 miles in altitude. Betcha didn't know that! And if you did, keep shut.

No Jon/Stephen Colbert check-in (Colbert Report aired a re-run). Moment of Zen: An instructional video on hunting. Remember, kids, always wear bright colors so you won't be mistaken for game and get shot in the face by Dick Cheney.