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October 9, 2015

The Daily Show: February 22, 2006

by Annie Wu, posted Feb 23rd 2006 4:12PM
Jon StewartA sick Jon Stewart (aww... please get well before the Oscars) opened the show by bringing up a pretty nifty story. Eight workers from a ham processing plant won a huge $365 million Powerball jackpot the other day (dude, that's, like, a million dollars every day for a year). Jon reports that many of the workers planned to go to work again the next day... not because they still wanted their jobs, but either because they wanted one last chance at the employee ham discount or wanted to put a "little something extra" in the ham. "Hmm... This ham tastes like... like a Powerball winner..."

"Portscenter": Time to talk Dubai. Alrighty, an Arab company has recently purchased the rights to many of our major seaports, leading people to worry about the possibility of security issues. This move was approved by the White House without going to Congress and, according to Scott McClellan, the president had no knowledge of this event until he heard it from press coverage. I guess Bush switched over to news after Nick Jr. was over.

Rob Corddry, Senior Weighmaster, I.L.A, reported from Newark, New Jersey about the situation. As a man who got his start on the docks, Corddry revealed that having an Arab company taking over would do absolutely nothing to change the security on the docks... It will always be negligent. The sound effect jokes from this got really old really fast. So painful.

"American Resolutions": In this installment of segments about TDS correspondents' New Years resolutions, Jason Jones (eep, no one applauded him again) resolved to be a better daddy so he can work the "sensitive reporter" angle (like Anderson Cooper... but without the natural disaster). Jones spent most of the segment holding his baby in awkward positions (some of them worried the hell out of me) and doing dangerous activities with his baby [doll], like swimming and biking. His real-life wife and fellow correspondent, Samantha Bee, made a brief appearance. Y'know, this was actually a pretty funny segment... Definitely the best that Jones has done so far. Bravo, good sir.

The night's guest was Matthew Fox from Lost. When he came on-screen, I immediately thought, "Isn't that what he wore when Oceanic crashed?" because I had just watched the first episode rerun on ABC. I swear it looked like the same outfit. Anyway, Jon said "dude" a few times in the interview and I felt like I was listening to Jack talk to Hurley on Lost. Since Lost is so secretive, I wasn't expecting any new information to be divulged... Good thing, too, because Fox didn't give up any goodies. The only thing he confirmed was that the writers are going someplace with all the crazy plot twists and weirdness, and that it isn't just going to go nowhere like Twin Peaks did. Jon couldn't help but speculate that all the survivors are actually the kids from Lord of the Flies... This was a nice interview just because I got to see Fox laugh at all of Jon's silly jokes (including one about the Wingies that will surely come up sometime soon) and not look gross and sweaty, like he just fought off a wild boar... or giant cloud of black smoke.

Jon checked in with Stephen Colbert, who explained that he would be covering the port controversy in a new segment called "This Week in Wharves". Moment of Zen: Bald eagles overrun Homer, Alaska. Damn, that's a lot.

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