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Saturday Night Live: Natalie Portman & Fall Out Boy

by Jonathan Toomey, posted Mar 5th 2006 11:03AM

Natalie Portman and Fall Out BoyEhhh... I've seen worse. There was some really good stuff here. It was great to see Maya Rudolph back full-time, even if it was in two recurring roles that I don't really like. Although I think she officially rejoined the cast a few weeks ago, right?

I've said before that I don't mind if they reuse old commercials, as long as they're good ones. They repeated "Baby Toupees" and "The Totally Rad Smoke Detector 3000" in this episode. Except for Fred Armisen's stereotypical Irish fire-chief impersonation in the smoke detector one (I love that, great moustache), these two aren't good. Why can't they reuse good commercials though? Oh and did anyone scan the closing credits? I had heard rumors about this, but Seth Myers is officially a head writer now along with Tina and Andrew Steele. Perhaps this is more proof that Tina is on her way out to focus solely on her new sitcom next year?

 

Cold Open - Nothing special here, just a run-of-the-mill Bush address. Forte cracked a few good jokes. I especially enjoyed when he challenged Osama to a duel, "Texas style." There have been no major hurricanes since Katrina and he took credit for that which I thought was amusing. Cheney came on; guess what they joked about? Like I said, nothing special.

Natalie Portman's Monologue - Good Lord, she's gorgeous. I can't imagine her looking bad with any hair style (she had it shaved for her latest film V is for Vendetta). Anywho, she fielded Star Wars questions from nerds (Samberg and Sudeikis) in the audience and ended up having more SW knowledge than the nerds did. Further proving the stereotype that "black people don't watch Star Wars," Finesse stood up and asked "What's Star Wars?" This was good for a few laughs.

Jamba Juice - Anyone ever been to one of these? I've been once and this was eerily accurate. The employees at these places are on crack; they were wired when I went. For those who haven't been, these are just juice bars. But you can get all sorts of health add-ins... protein, soy, vitamins, whatever. I liked this sketch. Oh and is it just me, or does Chris Parnell now play a gay character at least once per episode?

Larry King Live - I don't think I've seen Fred Armisen do Larry King before. He didn't really have the voice down but he nailed the mannerisms. The topic was people who've had sex changes. The guests weren't all that funny (Natalie was a transvestite with a killer uni-brow), but the one-liners Larry King kept dropping were laugh out loud funny. Some samples: "What was it like before you swapped your parts?" "Where is your penis now?" "So you're going to have two penises?" "Kim Cattrall - she's all woman no matter how many penises you stick on her." I lost it on that last one.

The Needlers go to a Fertility Clinic - I think it's the third or fourth time they've done this sketch? Same thing every time so if you've seen any of the previous outings, you've seen this one.

Belated Black History Moment with Dennis Haysbert - This was actually the Robert Smigel installment for the episode. Haysbert (President Palmer!) hosted a documentary-ish look at three cartoons that prominently featured African-Americans. Token Black starred Franklin from Peanuts, Valerie from Josie and the Pussycats, and Winston Zeddmore from The Ghostbusters. The other two shows were The Hoke and Daisy Show, an animated version of Driving Miss Daisy and Ladysmith Black Mambazo in Outer Space. All three shows were canceled because as Haysbert called them, they were "humongous steaming bowls of elephant piss." I really liked this, I thought it was well done.

The Schöner(sp?) Family - I'm pretty sure that's their last name. Maya, Fred, Parnell, and Natalie play a family and everyone's first name is Noonie. Or is it Nunie? Who cares? They've done this sketch before and it's not funny. It's creepy and too Conehead-ish without the coneheads.

Weekend Update - This went on too long. Last episode WU was very short and it seemed like they weeded out the crap because most of the material was pretty funny. Not the case here. As expected, they ragged on Bush and Cheney. Darrell Hammond as Donald Trump as Martha Stewart came on, which I enjoyed. But the highlight was by far "Kenan Thompson's Lady Fat: Plus Size Woman's Clothing for Male Comedians of Color." Finesse saying he'd rather wear a dress designed by Kenan than not be in the show at all was priceless.

The Wakefield AV Club - This was a sketch I had forgotten about because Maya had been on maternity leave. Sheldon (Rachel Dratch) has his Bar Mitzvah and they video tape it. Maya is his best friend. Eh, they should have shelved this idea permanently. I don't think I laughed once, except for watching Andy Samberg dance with Natalie Portman.

SNL Digital Short - I was afraid they weren't going to have one. Chris Parnell is interviewing Natalie Portman and her response is an extremely vulgar rap video. But it was hilarious. She was so angry: "I'll kill your dog." "I'll sh*t on your face." It kept going too, other things I won't type out. I'm sure this will be posted online by the end of the day. Anyone finds it, please post the link in the comments.

Fall Out Boy - I love these guys. I've been listening to them for a few years now, well before they hit it big with their current album From Under the Cork Tree. They performed two singles off it: "Dance, Dance" and the extremely over-played "Sugar, We're Goin' Down." All that being said, I thought they sounded like crap here. I've seen them live once and thought they were much better then.

Next week, the new episode train keeps rolling with Matt Dillon and The Arctic Monkeys.

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DH

I don't really listen to that type of music but I do know good music when I hear it. Fall Out Boy performance was GREAT!!! If you can feel the music and not just hear it you would see that me. Please the next time this episode airs listen to the guitar rifts that they go in and out of, "OUTSTANDING SYNC" I love the SNL version much better than the album.

May 10 2006 at 1:58 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Jeff

i was wondering if there was a site i could go to download the jamba juice skit, i sooo wanna put that on my myspace page

May 05 2006 at 10:04 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
kevin

SNL is losing it


i ended up watching an old episode of MAD TV that i recorded a while ago

I normally like Fall Out Boy but they cant perform live.

The Nunie(how do you spell it?) thing was just stupid and a bit creepy

April 23 2006 at 8:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
albertofraga

I can add that may obsession for her made me cope more that 1500 photos, article and biography I know she is only daught from Avner, Shelley and her name is Nat Hershlag and she is very beautifull and she has a high IQ things that led me to reafirm may love. She finish Psicology and I divorce a Psiquiatric from Cuba. I speak 4 language and she has 1 more than me. French, Hebrew, English, Japanesse and German. I know more things and she is graduated from High School with excellent grade and too from Harvard. I told in Havana, University 20 years and I have a Ph.d. from the second university in the ex Soviet Union. May thesis is Civil Right in the US. and I taught American History and may bachellor is Political Science. I was interested in her believes as Christian Jeweish and I had a Quiz with only 3 mistakes, another in Psicology that I had a perfect score. I study two semester of Psicology and may exwife in Cuba a translated from English to Spanish some works of Psiquiatry and Psicology. I am very interest in knowing her if she does not have any compromise. So I will continue writing her may experience and about may life. I supose that she receive email of every thing that I wrote her and I will continue writing if I can. Love Alberto

March 28 2006 at 9:34 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
albertofraga

I reafirm may comment but I could ad she was in night club and she not legal age and she saw everything and she didn't smoke or drink that is the way she behaves, and until now I have no prove on the contrary, she made say a lot of curse, or act in the way that is not have to do with the reality, is part of acting and that is what I think. Alberto

March 27 2006 at 10:43 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
albertofraga

I think that is bunch of lies and in Harvard that is serious college they don't do think that way. I think that Natalie could fake doing that to pull a fast to those guys that are no respectfull but in the real way she is moraly integrate. Those guys deserve the worst that they can get and I glad that she knows to handle them.

March 27 2006 at 10:18 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Jason Anderson

I watched this episode only because of Natalie. She was its only ONLY saving grace. I had to miss the second half of a HILARIOUS episode of MadTV to watch this.

I did enjoy Jamba Juice and that Schoner family thing. The Jamba one made me miss her long hair even more. Why won't it grow back faster??

The opener was horrible. Nowhere near as good as MadTV. At least MadTV has someone that LOOKS LIKE BUSH on it.

The rap thing was scary, but I kinda liked that side of her. In a freaky sort of way.

I fast-forwarded through the crappy music guest like I do on any talk/sketch show.

Overall, it gets a resounding Meh.

March 10 2006 at 5:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Katie

A corrected/censored version. One major mistake: PARNELL, not FARNELL!

Announcer: And in 3, 2

[interview with Parnell]

Parnell: Were stitting here today with film star Natalie Portman

Natalie: Hello

Parnell: So, Natalie, whats a day in the life of Natalie Portman like?

Natalie: Do you really want to know?

Parnell: Please, tell us.

[fades to rap]

Natalie: I dont sleep mothaf*cker off that yak and that bourbon.
Doing 120, getting ooh while Im swervin.

Guy: Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick.

Natalie: Yo' shut the f*ck up and suck my d*ck.

Natalie: Im busting dudes mouth like gushers mothaf*cker.
Roll up on NBC and smack the sh*t out of Jeff Zucker.

Group of Guys: What you want Natalie?

Natalie: To drink and fight

Group of Guys: What you need Natalie?

Natalie: To f*ck all night.

Natalie: Dont test me when Im crazy off that airplane glue.
Put my foot down your throat till your sh*t in my shoe.

Leave you screamin
Pay for my dry cleanin

F*ck you man
Its my name that hes screamin

[fades back to interview]

Parnell: Im sorry, Natalie, are we to believe that you can go driving while
intoxicated?

Natalie: I never said I was a role model.

Parnell: But, what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

[fades to rap]

Natalie: All the kids looking up to me can suck my d*ck
Its Portman mothaf*cker, drink till Im sick.

So youre through.
And pump nitrous down the hole.

Watch you laugh and cry.
While I laugh you die.

Natalie: And all the dudes, you know Im talkin to you.

Group of Guys: We love you Natalie.

Natalie: I want to fuck you too

Group of Guys: P!
Natalie: Is for Portman.
Group of Guys: P!
Natalie: Is for p*ssy
Ill kill your fucking dog for fun so dont push me.

[fades back to interview]

Parnell: Wow, Natalie, I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate?
Natalie: Well, there's a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?

[fades to rap]

Natalie: When I was in Harvard
I smoke weed everyday
I cheated every test
And started all the yay

I got a def posse.
You got a bunch of dudes

I'll sit right down on your face and take a sh*t

Viking: Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch
Natalie: Hell Ya!

Viking: And I always pay for your dry cleanin when my sh*t gets in
your shoe

Natalie: What?!

Viking: As for the drug use, well, I cant vouch for that.
My d*ck is scared of you.
Ooooooh...

[fades back to interview]

Parnell: Okie doke. Natalie, one final question. If you can steal a smooch from
any guy in Hollywood, who would it be?

Natalie: [smashes chair across Parnell] No more questions!

March 09 2006 at 4:39 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
griff

gimme a break, the show sucks - i shoot on mini dv, primarily in my apartment with my buddy behind the camera and we're consistently more funny - judge for youself ... http://www.griffonline.com

March 09 2006 at 3:10 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Mike N

Natalie SNL Rap Video Lyrics

Announcer: And in 3, 2

[interview with Farnell]

Farnell: Were stitting here today with film star Natalie Portman

Natalie: Hello

Farnell: So, Natalie, whats a day in the life of Natalie Portman like?

Natalie: Do you really want to know?

Farnell: Please, tell us.

[fades to rap]

NATALIE: I dont sleep mothafucker off that yak [cognac] and bourbon.
Doing 120, getting ooh while Im swervin.

Seth Meyers: Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick.

NATALIE: You shut the fuck up and suck my dick.

NATALIE: Im busting dudes mouth like gushers mothafucker.
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit out of Jeff Sucker.

RANDOM GROUP OF GUYS: What you want Natalie?

NATALIE: To drink and fight?

RANDOM GROUP OF GUYS: What you need Natalie?

NATALIE: To fuck all night.

NATALIE: Dont test me when Im crazy off that airplane glue.
Put my foot down your throat till your shit on my shoe.

Leave you screamin
Pay for my dry cleanin

Fuck you man
Its my name that hes screamin

[fades back to interview]

Farnell: Im sorry, Natalie, are we to believe that you can go driving while
intoxicated?

Natalie: I never said I was a role model.

Farnell: But, what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

[fades to rap]

NATALIE: All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick
Its Portman mothafucker, drink till Im sick.

Say youre through.
And pump nitrous down the hole.

Watch you laugh and cry.
While I laugh you die.

NATALIE: And all the dudes, you know Im talkin to you.

RANDOM GROUP OF GUYS: We love you Natalie.

NATALIE: I want to fuck you too

RANDOM GROUP OF GUYS: P!
NATALIE: Is for Portman.
RANDOM GROUP OF GUYS: P!
NATALIE: Is for "meow"
Ill kill your fucking dog for fun so dont push me.

[fades back to interview]

Farnell: Wow, Natalie, I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate?
Natalie: Well, there's a lot you may not know about me.
Farnell: Really? Such as?

[fades to rap]

NATALIE: When I was in Harvard
I smoke weed everyday
I cheated every test
And started all the yay

I got a death posse.
You got a bunch of dudes

I sit right down on your face and take a shit

Andy Samberg: Natalie, you are a best bitch
NATALIE: Hell Ya!

Andy Samberg: And I always pay for your dry cleanin when my bleep gets in
your shoe

NATALIE: What?!

Andy Samberg: As for the drug use, well, I cant master that.
My bleep is scared of you.
Hell

[fades back to interview]

Farnell: Okie doke. Natalie, one final quesiton. If you can steal a smooch from
any guy in Hollywood, who would it be?

Natalie: [smashes chair across Farnell] No more questions!

March 07 2006 at 9:07 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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