A day in the life of the Man Who Doesn't Like Scrubs

I walked across the street to the coffee shop. The girl behind the counter handed my muffin and breakfast tea to me, but as soon as our eyes met her expression turned sour.

"You're the Man Who Doesn't Like Scrubs, aren't you?"

"It's just not my cup of tea."

"No, THIS is your cup of tea!" she screamed, tossing my breakfast tea directly into my eyes.

I stumbled out of the coffee shop, where I was immediately attacked by three ducks and seven squirrels. "Oh god!" I screamed, "Even Mother Nature loves Scrubs!"

Hungry and bleeding, I walked back to my apartment and grabbed my mail. I opened a bill from the gas company. It was for twelve thousand dollars and contained this note:

"Normally your bill wouldn't be this high, but since you don't enjoy Scrubs we've decided we hate you."

I opened the window, glanced at the crowd of people below carrying torches and a hangman's noose, then drew the shades.

"How's it going?" God asked.

"Oh hey, God. Didn't see you on the couch there."

"So, seriously, what's your problem with Scrubs?"

"I find it to be cloying, ham-fisted, and overbearing. The only way that show could be less subtle is if they hired a drummer to sit in on each scene and do a rimshot every time someone cracked a joke. Also, the show's dramatic scenes are excessively maudlin. But does it really matter, God? Some people like a certain show, some people hate it. Isn't that difference of opinion what makes this world so great?"

"In most cases, yes. However, this is Scrubs we're talking about, and Scrubs is the best show ever created. Therefore, I'm going to eat both of your legs. I'm only doing this for your own good."

"I understand."

Twenty minutes later, God was putting on his coat and preparing to leave. "Keep that tourniquet on and take some Advil every couple hours," he said.

"Not a problem."

"The milkman left some milk outside your door."

"Yeah, I stopped drinking it when he started adding anti-freeze."

"That's funny. But not as funny as Scrubs."

With that, he left my apartment in a plume of white smoke. Then I became dizzy and passed out. If it weren't for those people setting my apartment on fire I might never have woke up. Now I just have to get myself unhandcuffed from this radiator.