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October 6, 2015

Saturday Night Live: Matt Dillon & Arctic Monkeys

by Jonathan Toomey, posted Mar 12th 2006 4:03PM

Matt Dillon in Crash; Arctic Monkeys' CDUp, down, left, right... this episode was all over the place. After last week's fairly solid effort, I was hoping we would see more of the same. But I don't think that it was necessarily the cast's fault. Matt Dillon just wasn't very good.

There was some heavy reliance on the four new guys (Samberg, Hader, Wiig, and Sudeikis) which I was very pleased with. But other than a few sketches, this episode was a snoozer.

Cold Open - Nice change of pace here. For once it wasn't a Bush press conference or Hardball. I really can't remember the last time they opened with a regular sketch, although the pre-taped Steve Martin open was very good. Maya, Rachel, Amy, and Kristen played four college girls waiting for their spring break flight. They're gonna have group sex, smoke some hash, all sorts of fun things. The pay-off is after their flight gets called, we find out their parents were sitting next to them the whole time. Favorite line: "Last year when I got home, I found a ten dollar bill in my butt."

Matt Dillon's Monologue - Dillon chose to read the "acceptance speech" that he never got to read at the Oscars last weekend. He had been nominated for best supporting actor for his role as a racist cop in Crash. So naturally his speech was loaded with stereotypes and clichéd, bigoted remarks. He apologized to the Asians for constantly confusing them and even gave snaps to the "gays in wardrobe." This would have been better if he had delivered it more smoothly.

Prisonmate.net - Whoa, a new commercial and Finesse was in it. Prisonmate.net is a new dating service allowing lonely women to find the man of their dreams - in jail. This really wasn't that funny but I did like the tagline: "Make your soulmate a cellmate."

ESPN Sportscenter - Wait a second, Finesse was in this too. What's going on? Finesse was Stu Scott (he even had the squinty eye thing down) and Seth was Dan Patrick. They were interviewing Barry Bonds (Kenan). Pretty run of the mill, the jokes you would expect: "Boy, your head is big." The funny part came at the end when they interviewed the Giants mascot, Lou the Seal, and he was getting steroid injections in his backside.

SNL Digital Short - Will, Andy, and Seth are all on lunch break and they decide to look for people that look just like them. Will and Seth are successful but they decide that a chubby, homeless guy (played by Horatio) is the guy that looks just like Andy. But only if he took his gloves off. So Andy pulled off the homeless guy's gloves and then Will shot Andy. Okay, I described this very poorly. All you need to know? It was really funny and you should try and download it.

Two A-Holes @ a Travel Agency - Now this is how to properly handle a recurring character. I had completely forgotten about these two because they hadn't been used since Jack Black hosted back in December. Jason Sudeikis and Kristen Wiig play, that's right, two a-holes. Matt Dillon was the travel agent. This felt fresh and new, I laughed the entire time. This was definitely my second favorite sketch of the night.

How to Order Sushi like a CEO - I hated this. Anyone else and it might have been better, but Matt Dillon could not deliver the lines properly at all. The only funny thing about this was at the end when the waitress (Maya) asked Mr. Douche if he would like his check. Apparently he thought "douche" was Japanese for his last name. 

Joplin Alive Podcast - This showcased only the four new faces. I love how much time they all got in this episode. Kristen Wiig especially. Bill Hader and Sudeikis are hosting their weekly podcast from a booth at their local Bennigan's. Wiig was the waitress and Samberg showed up as the town's resident party planner. Andy's French accent was hilarious and every time he said "pretty girls," I lost it.

Weekend Update - Nothing really worth mentioning here. The jokes were flat and nothing really stood out. I suppose Will's "Sunni Shia Kurd" song was worth seeing but I still didn't really laugh at it. I don't know, WU needs a lot of help.

Vincent Price's St. Patrick's Day Special - This was hands down my favorite sketch of the night. Bill Hader was Price and he nailed the impersonation. Actually I think everyone did. Even Matt Dillon as Rod Serling wasn't half bad. Bagpipes always make me laugh so that was a nice touch too. And as usual, Darrell Hammond can be anyone. When he came out as Don Knotts (as Barney Fife), if you closed your eyes you couldn't hear a difference.

The Inner Harmony Relaxation Tape - This really isn't worth talking about. Not good.

Appalachian Emergency Room - Same goes here. If you've seen this sketch at all before then you've seen this one. Same formula every time.

The DiCiccio Brothers Unicornery - Very funny concept which was once again destroyed by Matt Dillon's inability act. Bill Hader was great as the sleazier of the two salesmen. They were selling unicorns though! I'd buy one.

The Arctic Monkeys - I can't really figure out why these guys are so popular right now. I suppose that first song they played (I Bet You Look Good on the Dance Floor... I think that's what it's called) is all right, but it wasn't that catchy. Oh well, good luck to them I suppose. Ride the wave while it's there.

One of the promos announced that Antonio Banderas is going to host on April 8 but no musical guest was attached yet.


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the arctic monkeys hate making televison appearences, mainly because they feel the only reason they should get exposure is by doin gigs, and gigs that people want to watch. why should they have to go on snl or other tv programmes when they could be somewhere else playin to people that care. i guess the record companies forced them to do this, and i say well done to the lads for the show because they didnt lose any integrity.
now... onto what has made the band famous.
1. NME has overblown them to the nth degree, and personally i hate the NME for there contant bigging up of bands.
2. their lyrics are tinged with northern english dialect and actually say something, or give you a story of something that is genuine, and more or less are of a very british nature with the social commentary. i guess us brits just want to listen to things that we can relate to.
3. theyre not great musicians. why should they have to be perfect to be successful. theyre just 4 kids who started a band to make some music and i think that comes across great.
theyre the reasons i guess they became big over here in england. dont know so much about why in america. i hope more of you get it and stop not liking them because youre not the only person to have heard of them.

May 04 2006 at 6:14 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

wot are you crazy americans on about? the arctic monkeys are awesome, and the whole yawning thing was cos they dont give a toss. i think it might be a british thing, but i got it and i love em

March 24 2006 at 5:22 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Show was pretty sucky really and the artic monkeys didnt play all that well. Thought it was hilarious though when the singer commented on the guy in the crowd yawning. "you look good on the dancefloor" was ok but the second song bombed a bit (which the singer obviously noticed) seemed like the bass was out of tune. Did anyone notice the bit at the end when they pat say goodnight and thank all the other acters how the two guys from artic monkeys just hugged. Made me laugh.

March 15 2006 at 5:12 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Weekend Update and the digital short were the only things worth watching. And out of that, I could have done without Will's Shia Sunni Kurd song. I normally like his songs but that one was just lame, and it felt like even Will wasn't that into it.

Matt Dillon was really terrible. It really ticks me off when actors get up there and don't bother to rehearse and know their lines. I know lots of these guys are busy, but they shouldn't agree to do the show if they aren't going to committ to doing the job right. When athletes come on and host and are terrible, well...they are athletes, so it's not really their job. But it really irks me when actors come on the show and constantly flub their lines and have to check the cue cards. (Nevermind that I don't think they SHOULD have athletes host the show). I wouldn't be upset if my dentist had no idea how to fix a broken pipe under my sink. But if my plumber showed up and did a lousy job, I'd be annoyed.

I like some of the new cast members, but, sadly, I feel like the show has only continued to decline the last few seasons. I'd like to see it get good again. I still watch it every week but weeks like this one, I barely make it past Weekend Update before wiping it off my DVR.

March 14 2006 at 4:19 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Vincent price thing sucked - as it did the first time they did it. Old movie stars do not equal funny. I'm an old movie fan and I still find this sketch painfully bland. Liked the two a-holes bit the most.

March 13 2006 at 12:31 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Don Pardo indeed slipped on the name...my friend and I noted this. Arctic Monkeys are fresh, but drummer is no Phil Collins. WU is the best part of SNL today.

March 13 2006 at 12:11 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

I'm still laughing at the digital short.

"Which one do I shoot?"
"Why do you have to shoot anyone?"

And if I wasn't sure before I am now -- Wiig and Samberg are my favorites.

March 12 2006 at 11:49 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Right & Wrong:

Last week's epsiode was better, but the Matt Dillon episode was good (mainly) for the a reason mentioned in the article: The focus on the featured players. I think the 2006-2007 season is going to be the one where everyone talks about how SNL has gotten so good again. Hader, Wiig, Samberg, and Sudekis can all bring the funny and the truth is right now they are the future of SNL. I think SNL is in capable hands with these fresh faces...

My top sketches from the episode(in no particular order):
Vincent Price's St.Patrick Day's Special
The DiCiccio Brothers Unicornery
The Inner Harmony Relaxation Tape
SNL Digital Short
Joplin Alive Podcast

While Matt Dillon's timing was off in several of his sketches, and he was flubbing lines all over the place, at least he picked roles for himself that made sense (you know mostly jerks/macho types like the characters he plays in the movies)

Long Live SNL
-Will Forte Rules (but not in the last weekend update, that song was unfunny)

March 12 2006 at 10:38 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Oh yeah, I thought it was funny too. I mean, musically they're quite overrated (top 5 British band- what?) but that was definitely amusing, and particularly nice since their performance- although better than Fall Out boy's ridiculousness of last week- hadn't been particularly exciting.

But then again, Ashlee Simpson really was great fun.

March 12 2006 at 10:31 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Maybe the guy who yawned actually was tired, given that it WAS ten to 1 in the morning. Keep in mind that all 4 guys in Arctic Monkeys are either 19 or 20 years old, and one of them didn't even know how to play a guitar three years ago, so I suppose they're still brand spanking new when it comes to on stage conduct. I'm not saying I find it irresponsible that he actually noted that a dude yawned; on the contrary, I find it hilarious. When you think of the past of SNL musical performances that were out of the ordinary, Ashlee Simpson getting caught lipsyncing and Sinead O'Connor ripping the Pope's image come to mind. It was nice to see something that was legitimately funny

March 12 2006 at 10:22 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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