'Dancing With The Stars' Season 14 Dream Casting
MTV Sets Premiere Date For Pauly D's 'Jersey Shore' Spinoff
American Idol: The Big Show
Being in the Final 12 means that you
get to perform on the big stage, in front of the big crowd, with the big fancy lights. This is the AI
equivalent of getting to sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving. No more of that kids' table
crap. It's the big show with the bigger band and the souped-up sound system.
But there was no souped-up sound system in my apartment tonight.
I will have you know that one of our busybody neighbors filed a complaint against me and my roommates, accusing us of watching TV too loudly. They actually complained that Two and a Half Men was too loud. So if Charlie Sheen is breaking the sound barrier, then I know Mandisa surely would. Taylor Hicks seems like a nice guy, but I don't think he'd let me bunk with him if I got evicted. So I had to keep the volume way down tonight. No fun.
Ace Young- He was alright tonight. Nothing special. I realize that he's the best contestant at holding the mic and clapping without chopping up the vocals. And, the fact that I noticed that ridiculous skill proves that he was just okay tonight. Before, I was against his beanie cap, but his hairdo tonight sort of looked like George Washington. I love Ace, but if he wants to remain my fantasy AI boyfriend, he needs to make me feel special, and there was nothing special about the time we spent together tonight. I'm actually thinking about cheating on him.
Chris Daughtry- I think Chris is going to be my secret love muffin. He'll be my "AI kept man" for when Ace lets me down. I know it's wrong because he's married. But since this is all an elaborate make-believe fantasy in my head, I'm sure it'll be okay. Chris really did a great job tonight (on stage, not in my fantasies). But, then again, he always does great (errr, no comment). I think he's been the most consistent performer to date. I liked how he did the patented Bo Bice running mic entrance. But I would have been even more impressed if he would have thrown in some Bret Michaels ninja floor rolls. Or perhaps, a David Lee Roth high-kick? Maybe that will come later in the season after he limbers up. I'm just glad that AJ from the Backstreet Boys has a new job...styling Chris's sideburns. Did you notice the sweet S-curved chops? I don't know if I love them or if I'm disgusted by them.
Kevin Covais- Ahhhhh, jeez. Sigh. Every week it gets more and more ridiculous. When a blind man can pick up on the fact that you are inherently un-sexy, then you've got problems. I actually thought the singing sounded okay tonight, but I think that's because the volume on my set was down too low, and I was distracted by Kevin's dance moves. What was that marching/fist pump move he was doing? It reminded me of the dance montage in The Breakfast Club when the guys are doing the same move on top of the stairs. Somehow it looks manlier done by an Estevez. (And yes, I did manage to namedrop both brothers in the same non-related post. Randy Jackson, take note -- that's how you namedrop.) Also, I'm not sure, but I think I saw Kevin doing some light pelvic thrusting towards the end of that song. He will never be my fantasy AI boyfriend. Never.
Paris- I thought she sounded amazing tonight. These past two weeks have been great for her. Although, she lost my vote when she started to sing-talk during the post-interview. I hate sing-talking. Just talk or sing. You can't do both. And I was a little concerned about her outfit tonight. It looked cute, but I was worried about the little skirt with the super high split up the middle. I thought we were going to see her cooter. This is live TV, I don't know if they would have had time to put the AI censor logo up that quickly. Luckily, we didn't find out.
Melissa McGhee- I didn't think Melissa sounded that great tonight. She was very pitchy and her voice was scratchy. Plus, she forgot the lyrics. She said that her voice was rough and she'd been gargling with olive oil. I realize now, as a writer, I'm lucky. Even when I have severe writer's block, I never have to use olive oil on any parts of my body to further my career. I understand, with some professions...that's necessary.
Taylor Hicks- You know that when Stevie was giving Taylor his criticisms, producers wanted to whisper in his ear, "You should see how crazy this bastard looks when sings." But Taylor was great tonight; he did Stevie justice. And yes, he does look like a drunken dad at a wedding. But apparently, Taylor does perform at weddings. How awesome would that be to have Taylor perform at your wedding reception? He'd probably accompany the Chicken Dance with his harmonica. But what was Ryan trying to start with the gray hair thing? They aren't gonna dye it. Are they? It sounds like a ratings ploy, but AI doesn't need such a desperate ratings ploy. Not yet.
Lisa Tucker- She sounded great tonight and she definitely looked edgier with her leather belt and shrug. I'm still confused by her new look though. At times she looks amazing, but those twitchy eyebrows throw me for a loop. Sometimes, it seems like she's a gender reassignment procedure away from being one of those dudes with a handlebar mustache that ties damsels to railroad tracks.
Bucky- He never heard Superstition before? Yikes. He sounded okay, but just for Bucky. Meaning, that if one of the other contestants sounded half as bad, they would have instantly been voted off before voting even began. The judges gave him adequate comments, but I think he just stunk tonight. His hair did look pretty though. Very, very pretty.
Kellie Pickler- I personally thought she looked gorgeous with her big hair and black dress. But I think Dolly Parton looks gorgeous too. She did look stiff while performing. I guess it's because she was so uncomfortable in her new shoes and "tarantula fake eyelashes". Tee hee. Her dumb blonde act is getting old.
Mandisa- I thought she was the first good female performance of the night, but it wasn't her best. She kicked up the vocals at times, but something was lacking. Mandisa's performance included my favorite awkward editing moment of the night. I loved it when producers cut from her family's jubilant celebration to the most stagnant white family I've ever seen. Good segue to Seacrest, guys.
Elliott Yamin- I actually would have preferred him singing "My Cherie Amour", but I think he did pretty good with "Knocks Me Off My Feet". I'm not sure when Elliott started to wear scarves recreationally, but I dig it. And, forget about Simon calling him the best male vocalist in AI history, when Stevie Wonder says you're made to be a singer then....hey!
Katharine- She's not going to stop any pregnancy rumors by wearing that dress. She sounded great tonight. The judges compared her performance to Kelly Clarkson, but I thought her post-interview was more like Kellie Pickler with her repeated "I don't know" response. Nobody is a fan of a dumb brunette.
My pick for elimination: Bucky
My vote: Chris
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