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And I Quote: the best one-liners of the week
by Bob Sassone, posted Mar 17th 2006 1:59PM
"OK, let's cut this bitch
open." - Dr. Ron, after hearing Susan say "Mike" before surgery, on Desperate Housewives.- "The opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference." - Bree, trying to tell Andrew they still have a chance to be a family, on Desperate Housewives.
- "Shhh...don't say that. There's one in the brochure." - Christine, to her son on his first day at private school, who asked, "where are all the black kids?", on The New Adventures of Old Christine.
- "Save the orphans...some of them don't have parents!...Save the orphans...use them as bait for scholarships!" - lyrics to a jingle that beat out Charlie's entry, on Two and a Half Men.
- "I hope she doesn't have a lisp." - Jon Stewart, wondering what Sharon Stone meant when she said on a trip to Israel, "I came in my faith," on The Daily Show.
- "I didn't hire you to hang out in the bathroom and watch me walk my horse!" - Russ the boss, to an employee, on The Loop.
- "First of all, don't ever f***king wink at me again. I'm not your waitress at Fridays." - Jon Stewart, on CNN reporter Rick Sanchez, winking to the audience before giving a demonstration on what it's like to drive a police car, on The Daily Show.
- "Yeah, but always gliding? I mean, are the floors slippery? Does she live on a glacier?" - Ben, to the girl he's dating, about the "graceful" woman in her short story, on Four Kings.
- "Stacey is my fiancee's daughter. I think she'll have a good time. As long as she doesn't look on my computer. (Laughs) Actually, I better go check." - , Kevin, during "Take Your Daughter To Work Day," on The Office.
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