And so, CTU was shut down, the building ventilation halted, and 50 people died... All because Rudy McGamgee and Red Sharted at the same time. It was an inside job, an inside ass job.

"Dude, I'm sorry!"

"See? This is what happens when you wolf down a crunchy all beef taco smothered in nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato, and special Southwestern sauce; wrapped in a soft flour tortilla with a layer of re-fried beans in between; wrapped in a savory corn tortilla with a middle layer of Monterrey jack cheese; wrapped in a deep fried gordita shell smeared with a layer of special 'guacomolito' sauce; wrapped in a corn husk filled with pico de gallo; wrapped in an authentic Parisian crepe filled with egg, gruyere, sausage and portobello mushrooms; wrapped in a Chicago-style, deep-dish, meat lover's pizza; rolled up in a blueberry pancake; dipped in batter and deep fried until it's golden brown; and served in a commemorative tote bag filled with spicy vegetarian chili without your Beano!"

I see I'm not the only one at this costume party that came as Michael Jackson.

Guard: "So all we have to do is hold our breath and the nerve gas won't affect us?"

Lynn: "It worked for Jack didn't it?"

Girl on Phone: Daddy.....
Red Shirt: Hunny I have to go.... I think Mr. Gamgee just sharted

...sadly, the CTU human beatboxing competition ended when the final two contestants mysteriously keeled over, started spasming, and started drooling over themselves. Even sadder was that most of the American public had already seen these moves performed by Lil' Jon in his platinum selling music video "GIT CRRRRRIIZZZUNNK ON THA CENTOX!!!!" therefore causing them to vote the disturbing CTU video to the top of the charts on the equally disturbing TV show Total Request Live

Jack over the speaker phone: SONOVABITCH!!! DAMMIT LYNN AND REDSHIRT, THERE IS NO MORE TIME FOR YOUR DARTH VADER IMPRESSIONS!!

Following the droubt of toothpaste in California, actors are seen here being hit by the same pandemic. The Californian Governor plans to strike back hard and is pleading with neighbouring states to help out before all actors are forced to cover their mouths when they speak. More on this story at 11.

These hand phones really do work, Chief.

Lynn: I swear, it wasn't me this time.