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July 25, 2014

The Surreal Life: Premiere

by Annie Wu, posted Mar 21st 2006 8:37PM
The Surreal LifeIt's no surprise that the choice of celebrities on this show just get worse and worse each season... Unfortunately, I see no end to this series because the B-list just grows longer and longer with each washed-up film/band/show.

And what's the worst part? Sometimes, these seasons are so bad/bizarre that they have to be watched just so one can participate in the watercooler talk that comes with it (Flavor Flav/Brigitte Nielsen love affair; Verne Troyer naked, drunk, and urinating in the corner of the gym). As long as there are train wrecks, people will tune in. How big of a wreck will this season be? Make your predictions! Read on and check out the cast...

Sherman "George Jefferson" Hemsley: I don't know if Hemsley is really that much of a mumbler nowadays but the Surreal Life folks sure made him look like one. Incomprehensible subtitles accompanied most of his interviews/talking heads, making Hemsley just look like some old coot that walks around mumbling nonsense and eating everything in sight. After a while, it got kind of Don Vito-esque and pointless. I honestly didn't have that much trouble understanding him... The only mumbling he did was the sort of mumbling that someone goes into after realizing that a story they've started telling is beginning to drag ("... So it turns out it wasn't his sister at all and we were so surprised and she just gave us this look, like, 'What?' and... y'know... just... hmm... yeah"). I don't know, maybe he really does talk like that all the time. They didn't really give him much screen time when he wasn't mumbling or eating.

CC Deville, Poison guitarist: Orange! So orange! But other than that, this guy was pretty cool. He was very open and accepting to everyone. Good guy so far.

Tawny Kitaen, the chick that did splits on a car in those Whitesnake videos: Wow. Someone's likin' the Botox, yeah? She seemed to be a bit of an airhead this episode, and it was particularly painful watching her try to sing the theme song to The Jeffersons when a fellow house-mate didn't know who "the dark guy" was. Oh, but bless her, she tried. From the previews, we saw that Tawny will be growing into a bit of a control freak in upcoming episodes.

Florence Henderson, Mrs. Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch: Florence is supposedly there to guide the Surreal Lifers like a live-in psychiatrist... except she's not a live-in. She's part of the cast but she doesn't spend the nights there. I don't really understand it either, but I suppose I wouldn't want to sleep in the same house as people that VH1 consider good TV.

Andrea Lowell, Playboy TV vixen: Who the heck is this girl? Usually, when I don't recognize a specific cast member, I can still recognize what show/band they came from. But when it came to Lowell, I just had no idea who she was. I didn't even know there was a Playboy TV. And she looks extremely plain compared to other Playboy bunnies... Not like that's a bad thing, but I was surprised that she was a model for them. 22 years-old is awfully young to be a Playboy legend already... From the looks of it, Florence Henderson is going to try to work some of her motherly magic to try and make Andrea change her ways as the season progresses.

Alexis Arquette, self-proclaimed "actor-ess" and the newest Arquette sister: I was looking forward to see Alexis the most (George was my favorite character from The Wedding Singer). I loved that the housemates very quickly accepted her (Alexis prefers to be referred to as a woman but doesn't make a huge deal about whether people use "him" or "her") instead of turning the entire season into a transphobic struggle. However, I was kind of grossed out that Alexis automatically pulled Andrea Lowell aside to remind her that she was going under a sex-change operation soon... Andrea was kind of weirded out. One last chance with Alexis Arquette's penis. Offer good while supplies last. The previews showed that things will get ugly when some outsiders/non-housemates are not so accepting of her lifestyle.

Steve Harwell, lead singer of Smash Mouth: I honestly didn't think that Harwell belonged on this show (he spent most of his time mopping because, apparently, he's a neat freak). His last big hit was about five years ago (a cover of "I'm A Believer"), which isn't really that long compared to the wash-up periods of other formerly successful Surreal Life cast members from all other seasons. Smash Mouth is expecting an album sometime this year and I doubt Surreal Life will do any good for those sales. C'mon, Harwell. Shouldn't you be rehearsing?

And the secret reality hunk housemate? Well, the cast had to put five reality hunks through a grueling process (and by "grueling", I meant "convince-me-you're-sexy") and after a thorough deliberation, they decided on Maven from Tough Enough! This occurred fairly late in the episode so we didn't get to see much from Maven. He seemed like a nice guy, though.

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Alexis Arquette was great as Larry/Lola on Showtime's Beggars & Choosers. Season 1 should be coming out on DVD...sometime. The original release date was January, but it has been delayed. Fricking Huff is out today, but still no B&C or Going To California. grrrrr

March 21 2006 at 9:26 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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