Desperate Housewives: Could I Ever Leave You?

Snip.

From umbilical cord to family ties, there's a lot of cutting going on tonight. While it's all deliciously dramatic, devious and diabolical, boy was this episode predictable. From the five-year-old breastfeeder (saw it a mile away) to Dr. Ron's inevitable discovery that Mike was not just a figment of Susan's laughing gas high, to Bree realizing that she does have a problem - if you couldn't see it happening just by the previews, well... you ain't the sharpest pair of scissors in the bundle.

Not that the writers didn't manage some funny - and even surprising - moments in an otherwise ho-hum plot. While I didn't love the breastfeeding part, it did allow for some excellent scenes. The one where Lynette and her boss are craning their neck to peek at the hungrily suckling five-year-old was delightful physical comedy. The meeting (and who's that hilarious new colleague?) where the advertising execs all agree that her behavior is "bizarre" is just the right balance of funny and uncomfortable. Best of all, the mom's breakdown at the end...

But, I'm ahead of myself. We haven't even talked about the poledancer yet.

The poledancer (is that an ABC-approved way of saying "stripper"? why does no one ever call her that, I wonder?),  bearing a baby destined for life in the Solis house, is quite the little diabolical enigma. It was obvious that a mystery was coming somehow, some way. The foreshadowing at the end isn't clear - does the boyfriend not know she's planning to give away (or sell, if you want to look at it that way) the baby? Is the baby not his? Does she have more than one set of parents as clients? Either way, it's plain that Gabrielle is way impressed when the knocked-up mom turns out to have deceived both the Solises and their attorney.

Bree and Andrew are up to their usual angry-yet-witty repartee, and Bree seems to be getting the upper hand through most of the show. After her little speech to the "friend" at AA, though, you and I both know she's going to have a comeuppance. And boy does she, passing out in a department store after Andrew pulls his latest card: he might "remember" that she'd sexually abused him when he was a child (is anyone else wondering why he waited to long to pull that one? Isn't that the oldest trick in the book?).

More physical comedy ensues, as Bree gets herself stuck between two sides of a security gate. Susan contributes her own particularly clutzy brand of comedy, hurriedly jerking herself down her front steps in a futile attempt to prevent Dr. Ron from learning that Mike was the Mike she loved.

As usual, the Applewhite storyline seems a bit forced and Of Mice and Men-y, when Caleb seems to be falling in love with his brother's girl, too. He delivers the most gorgeous bit of purple broach-dom to her. Please don't hurt her! I whisper to myself, tensely, as Danielle manages to get Caleb to leave. Calling a "slow" man who's already accidentally killed one girl a "freak" - not the best move Danielle, honey. I don't really like it.

There's a lot I don't like about this episode, but there's enough fun to keep my interest. I can't wait to find out what happens with the poledancer, and despite myself I'm eager to see the fireworks between Bree and Andrew. It's not perfect, but it's enough to keep me watching.