American Idol: Freddie's Moustache Lives!

I don't think I've ever anticipated an American Idol theme night more than this. Like many of you, I typically hate the theme nights. It feels like someone stole the song selection book at a karaoke bar, and left only one page for drunken patrons to choose from. But I was excited for tonight --simply because I thought it would suck. I thought it would be a disastrous mess of awkward and uncomfortable song choices and bad Freddie Mercury impressions. And, I was absolutely convinced that Taylor Hicks would wear a fake moustache (a semi-gray fake moustache, of course). But tonight was pretty good. It was entertaining to say the least.

Don't get me wrong. At times, it sucked. But more trying to drink a McDonald's thick shake through a straw suck, than Dyson vacuum suck. There was something very triumphantly sucky about tonight and I loved it.

Kellie Pickler- I now know what Kelly Bundy would have looked like if she had auditioned for American Idol. Kellie totally looked like Kelly Bundy in her rocker girl outfit and rocked-out blonde hair. See, here I thought that Kellie Pickler was a one-note pony and it turns out that she can play a variety of different roles. I had her typecast as a dumb blonde country girl when she totally can pull off the dumb blonde rocker chick, as well. Good job at expanding your performance portfolio, Pickler. Kellie did do pretty well tonight. Better than I thought she would have. She had fun with it, and that's what tonight's show needed. But Simon was right, that opening shot of her straight-on with the dark lights was pretty rough. And when I say pretty rough, I mean ugly rough. Yowza, talk about having bags under your eyes, she had luggage. I blame the camera man, not her mom's DNA.

Ace Young- In his effort to fully "rock us," Ace busted out the black leather pants tonight. For Joaquin Phoenix's sake, I hope they were pleather, but I doubt it. Ace was just okay tonight. He seemed to be having a lot of awkward moments with Queen and that's not a band that I would want to get awkward with. Which brings up a good debate -- why do bands give permission for contestants to use their songs if they are going to get upset about it being rearranged? And, was Ace out of line in asking Queen to play his re-worked version? I abstain from the discussion because I want to remain impartial (i.e. I just don't care.)

I think that this might be the last night for Ace. He didn't suck, but I'm just sick of the guy. Sure, he's got a pretty face, but he peaked way too early with "Father Figure" and he has yet to come even close to it. He reminds me off those hot guys in YM magazine that I'd cut out when I was like 13 and stick them up in my locker. I'd stare at them between classes and imagine how one day, I'll have a cute boyfriend like that with a pretty smile. But really it was all for not, because they were all gay male models, and they would never have gone for me anyway. It was all a broken dream, and that's the way I feel when I look at Ace. He's got a lot of something, but it adds up to nothing.  

Bucky- Every week, I'm shocked that Bucky is still on the show. But I must say, he did well. He's got a likable personality. He manages to pull off the innocent country boy routine without coming across as a dingbat like Pickler. And he has great song choices. But, his voice is too weak. As Simon said, the songs are always bigger than him. He needs to take a page out of Chris Daughtry's book and learn how to project more. Or...get the producers to turn his mic up to 11. Rock n' roll!!!!!!!!!

Taylor Hicks- Holy crap, I was annoyed by Taylor tonight. I don't know why "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" gets on my nerves, but it does. It's a good song, but it just stabs at my soul. I still have it ringing in my head and there is no hope of getting it out. It was a good song choice for him, but the dance moves were retarded. Taylor is no Justin Timberlake and never will be. I responded well to the windmill arm move because it's so very "him". But, the missed microphone kick? Oh man, that goes in the books as one of the funniest AI bloopers in history. There are very few things in life that are more embarrassing than having a rock n' roll move backfire on you. Through the magic of DVR, my roommate and I rewatched it 5 times. He actually didn't miss the microphone stand, he just kicked it too low and that's why it didn't fall over. Come on, Taylor, in order to make the mic stand fall, you must kick higher than your kneecaps. This is Intro to David Lee Roth 101, buddy.

Katharine McPhee- I know a lot of you really dug Katharine tonight, but I was slightly bored by it. Sure, she sounded good and looked pretty, but I was all amped up on a rock vibe and she just went all Disney soundtrack all over the place. What I was more excited about was her outfit. The high-waisted belt over the fitted top, complimented by the huge rack -- it was totally Dolly Parton in 9 to 5 and/or Peggy Bundy. I'm just gonna ignore the Peggy Bundy comparison since it's the second Married with Children reference I've made in a single post. Instead, let Katharine's outfit be a silent scream to producers that we want need a Dolly Parton theme night!

Chris Daughtry- I'm so tired of Simon telling Chris that he's self-indulgent and isn't breaking out of his comfort zone. Why is Simon doing that every week? Is it because Chris is so clearly the front runner at this point that Simon is just trying to "shake things up"? If so, I understand that it's a ratings ploy, but it's so annoying. I think that Chris took a big chance this week in picking a song that has never been performed live, even by Queen themselves. And, I think he did an amazing job...like always. I've just had enough of Simon's "self-indulgent" comments, and enough of that stupid strobe light. Someone please unplug that thing.

Elliott Yamin- Ugh, I didn't think Elliott sounded good at all. The judges were totally up his butt with compliments, but I felt like something was off and I don't know what it was. I'm not really familiar with "Somebody to Love," so maybe that was part of the problem, but Elliott just sounded off his mark. I replayed it again and it still sounded bad, even with me giving him the benefit of the doubt. I sorta knew that Queen would be tricky for Elliott to pull off, but I just hope it's not what gets him eliminated.

Paris- I liked her outfit and rock n' roll wig tonight. She looked like a dwarf version of Kellie Pickler. Which actually means that she looked like a dwarf version of Kelly Bundy. Which looks a lot like Lil' Kim in the "It's All About the Benjamins" video. But whoever she looked like, I thought she sounded great, and Queen seemed to agree. I didn't understand Simon's, "that was weird" response at all. Of course, he didn't have too much time to explain himself since they immediately cut to Ryan. It would be nice if they limited Paula's pointless gushing by a few seconds, so Simon could actually have time to respond properly.

My pick for elimination- Ace Young

My vote- Chris Daughtry (although, I don't think anybody really knocked it out of the park)