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Saturday Night Live: Lindsay Lohan and Pearl Jam

by Jonathan Toomey, posted Apr 16th 2006 7:03PM

SNL; NBC; Lindsay Lohan; Eddie Vedder; Pearl Jam(S31E16) Not too shabby. For her third SNL hosting gig, Lindsay Lohan wasn't all that bad. I did find it odd that she's doing SNL again so soon though. Especially after that big hoopla about the Vanity Fair article a few months ago. But her arms did look much plumper this time around. Besides, she has a new movie coming out and I would assume that she and Tina Fey have a good relationship. So I guess it does makes sense that she would be doing SNL again so soon. See that? I answer my own questions.

The Situation Room - It seems like we've officially reached the point where every single cold open that SNL does is going to be a take-off of one of the many political pundit shows from across the cable universe. I'm fine with that. I'm just saying that I can't remember the last time a cold open that wasn't Hardball, or Anderson Cooper, or this. I suppose it makes sense though when the government is giving out plenty of material to spin into a sketch. Might as well use it. This was funny. Wolf (Chris Parnell) had numerous guests commenting about the recent news that White House Chief of Staff Andy Card had resigned (well, I guess it's not that recent). It seems everyone they interviewed, who now worked for the President, had come from a temp agency. I loved it when Kristen Wiig (she's the new Resident Iran Expert) asked to have her time card initialed.

Lindsay's Monologue - This was really well done, I thought. Lindsay welcomed her friend The Easter Bunny (Kenan) on stage. The bunny was drunk and Lohan lectured him about the partying, the drinking, etc. It was nice to see Lindsay take on that role and have a laugh about the idiotic things she's been through/done. You know she's had someone say all those things to her before. Oh, and we found out that The Tooth Fairy is a ho. I knew it.

Neutrogena Coin Slot Moisturizer - Hilarious! I had never heard this before. Apparently, when women wear low rise jeans and a wee bit o' butt crack is showing, common slang for it is "the coin slot." And because it can get chafed like any other part of the body, you better keep it moisturized. Guaranteed I get slapped on Monday morning, because the first "coin slot" I see on the subway is going to cause me to giggle uncontrollably.

Deep House Dish - Second time they've done this one I think, might be the third. It has its moments. I think Kenan as the host DJ Dynasty Handbag is boring, but Rachel as his sidekick Tiara Zee is funny. The only thing that got a laugh out of me this time around was Lohan's new line of edible make-up which included deviled ham eye-shadow.

TV Funhouse - This was great. Ever notice how Disney releases all their films on DVD for limited periods of time only to lock them in the Disney Vault? What the hell is in the vault anyway? Besides classics like Sleeping Beauty 3: Lil' Sleepy Meets Aladdin, Hunchback 6: Air Dog Quasi, and 101 Fellations, you'll also find the frozen heads of Walt Disney and Vivian Leigh. As an added bonus, look for Jim Henson tied to a chair because "he wouldn't sell." Also, don't forget all the documents and old films that point to Walt being a gigantic racist. Aren't you glad you visited the vault?

The O'Reilly Factor - There isn't much to say about this. It was funny. Usually is when you get to hear Hammond say things like, "We left troops in Korea after World War Two per the treaty of Versailles which was signed by President Kennedy in 1904. Tell me where I'm wrong." The highlight for me was when some guy in viewer mail called O'Reilly an "A-1 Dick Face." You better believe that I'm adding that to my list of regularly used insults.

Le Rendezvous - This was easily my favorite sketch of the night. It took something that everyone can relate to and blew it way out of proportion. How many times have you had dinner with a group of people and while eating dessert, someone makes a ridiculous "Mmm Mmm" noise and begins to blather on about how good it tastes? Think Bill Murray in What About Bob when he's eating the corn-on-the-cob. Well what if everyone started to do it? Chocolate Cake is ordered and Lindsay, Jason, Fred, and Rachel all try it only to succumb to their inner beast by breaking plates, throwing chairs, and smearing the chocolate goodness all over their faces. It was just really funny and it hit home for me, simple as that.

SNL Digital Short: "Laser Cats" - I found it here on YouTube, but it will probably be taken down. So just do another search for Laser Cats and I'm sure someone else will post it again. Funny stuff. I liked how they presented it to Lorne and we got to see that exchange as part of the video. I want a laser shooting cat gun so that I can fight robot villains with Admiral Spaceship and his sidekick Nitro. Really... I do.

Weekend Update - There was some good stuff here. I especially enjoyed Tina's response to that Canton, Ohio high school that has more than 60 teen pregnancies. She suggested they all read her controversial book, "Your Mouth Can't Get Pregnant." I bet that's a great book. The Taylor Hicks [Jason Sudeikis] drop-in was the best part though. He nailed the impression for starters. But he started saying things like, "The ice cream is the monkey whipple chicken nipple" and I lost it. It kept going though. He told Tina that, "the carpet matches the drapes" and went on to say that, "My pubes look like a genius' [Albert Einstein] haircut." Whoever wrote that line deserves a high-five.

Debbie Downer - I almost didn't watch this. I hate Debbie Downer. It's ironic though. Lindsay Lohan was in the only Debbie Downer sketch I ever liked. But I liked it for other reasons. Remember the Disney one where Jimmy Fallon and Horatio absolutely LOST IT? I mean they always lost it, but this was the worst they had ever gone. They could not stop laughing and it really was hilarious because it spread to Lindsay and then to Rachel. The sketch was demolished, and it was live, and it was real, and it was funny. This time around, not funny.

Co-workers Go to a Bar - I'm not sure how I felt about this one. It was so-so. Three co-workers (Will, Kristen, and Lindsay) end up at a bar but they're socially inept. They get drunk and talk about a threesome they're going to have later. The one funny line was when Will ordered, "three chardonnays, two without ice." I'm going to use that at a bar and see what kind of look the bartender gives me.

Atlantic City Fever - And here we are back to the tradition of lousy final sketches. ACF was a film (fictional, duh) starring Ann Margaret and Liberace. Fred Armisen was quite funny as Liberace. Enough.

Pearl Jam - Watching these guys again just reaffirmed a simple fact for me: I don't like Pearl Jam. Never did. Normally though, when a band is on SNL and I don't know the songs, I'll listen to the lyrics so I can search for them and at least write about the two songs they did. Not so much here because Eddie Vedder doesn't speak English. I'm sure of it.

We do have some things to look forward to. In two weeks on April 29, we get The Best of TV Funhouse hosted by Ace and Gary (the Ambiguously Gay Duo). Even better, Tom Hanks hosts on May 6 with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Both should be very good.

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Pearl Jam rules, Heavey Metal may be some of the worst crap I lay ears too. What kind of waste of life doesnt like Pearl Jam or Vedder.

May 14 2006 at 12:06 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

It's ok to dislike a band, but it's another thing to say something derogatory about the band(or its memeber(s)) that you don't like. Eddie doesn't speak English? May be, just may be, getting some cowdung out of your head just might enable you to understand what a metaphor is..ha ha ha..can't believe this idiot.

May 10 2006 at 6:18 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

the best part was pearl jam, the sketches with lindsey lohan sucked, the best non-musical part was laser cats, and that was only funny for the first half of the skit and got old fast.
but seriously, pearl jam rocked that show... i could understand eddie without a problem.

May 04 2006 at 12:29 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

You dont like Pearl Jam--let me guess you dig Madonna, Britney Spears and Ashlee Simpson--your musical taste needs as much of an over haul as the comedy on SNL. Clearly you have absolutely no taste in music whatsoever (and please save your time with the obvious replies to this message of "music is subjectice..blah, blah, fricken blah)--lets see, absolutely amazing lyrics, combined with incredible vocals and great rock infusion= clearly sucking...give me a freakin break! Take a peak at some of the lyrics to their songs sometime...if you dont agree that the lyrics are mind numbing then go back to your Britney Spears bubble gum pop rock and shut the hell up ;)

April 27 2006 at 11:22 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

(now in english)
after reading some of the comments i thought:

have you folks heard of punk?

one thing is true, you have the right not to like pearl jam. of course to us, devoted fans, its an insult but ok, its your oppinion.
but you have to see that if we insulted mariah carey you would also be offended, so........... next time be more careful with what you say.

and yet lindsay lohan sucks.

April 27 2006 at 7:10 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

e se fosses mesmo mesmo apanhar no rabo?!?!
apesar de saber perfeitamente que nunca na vida vais perceber o que eu estou praqui a dizer (o que ate me diverte), nao me canso em vir aqui foder-te o juizo.
pᠰrimeiro nao gostas de pearl jam. pronto, tᠴudo. eu sinceramente tambem nao gosto de gajos como. com certeza es um gajo que gosta de hoobastank, ou mesmo bon jovi, e que tem o desplante de dizer que pearl jam n presta.
segundo podias-te informar acerca das musicas em vez de mandares perdigotos a sorte!
pa gostas da lindsay lohan ta tudo dito! popzito da pi硡

(yes, i can speak english)

April 27 2006 at 6:53 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Mike Luken

Only a giant nerd/dweeb/someone picked on in highschool would ever compliment a SNL show, pointing out times when they were histaricaly laughing and then have the nerve to rip on Pearl Jam... I guess you are a great example of the douche bags that actually watch and critique SNL episodes... I suggest next week you throw on a Pearl Jam CD, try Yield, Vs, or Riot Act, instead of wasting your time watching a so-so TV show... douche bag

April 25 2006 at 2:42 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Pearl Jam is probably one of the most relevant rock bands that still exist. After a stunning performance on SNL and their long history, they at least deserve some respect because theyve earned it. You don't have to like them, but don't rubbish who some people view as heroes.

April 23 2006 at 9:03 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
dan absher

You should try to actually listen to PJ. They are one of the bands that actually still matter. Perhaps you were hoping to see Ashlee Simpson or Good Charlotte..

April 22 2006 at 11:31 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

So, who do you like-Coldplay? PJ rules.

April 22 2006 at 1:30 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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