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August 31, 2014

Naming celebrity babies

by Adam Finley, posted Apr 18th 2006 12:13PM

babyThe New York Times has an interesting piece on the phenomenon of celebrities bestowing weird and unique names upon their children. My stance for the longest time was that giving your child names like "Pilot Inspektor" (Jason Lee's kid) or "Moxie CrimeFighter" (that's magician Penn Jillette's little girl) was essentially like turning your child into a walking billboard to advertise your own fertile imagination. However, I've had to lighten up on that stance recently, since this has become the new rule for baby naming these days, including my own family. Besides, I can't help but admit that "Moxie CrimeFighter" is a pretty awesome name.

Also, perhaps it's jealousy. My name is Adam, which I like just fine, but it lacks that certain je ne sais quoi. That's why I've teamed up with NASA scientists to devise a method of coming up with a suitable "Hollywood" name for yourself or your children, if you have any. Here's what to do:

1. For the first name, combine the name of your favorite childhood stuffed animal with the last thing you ate yesterday.

2. For the middle name, take the first letter of your first name and write down the first animal you think of starting with that letter. Then add your father or mother's main occupation when you were growing up.

Yes, perhaps Adam Finley, mild-mannered blogger from the midwest, would never get a call from Stephen Spielberg about appearing in one of his movies, but we'll just wait and see how easy it will be for Spielberg to resist having "BuddySweetTart AardvarkSecretary" in his next film. That would look so awesome on a marquee.

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Bearginger Snake-engineer

I just like seeing everybody's childhood toy names. I knew there would be a lot of repeats.

This works better than the stripper name formula, and I like to see everybody's childhood toy names. I think Bear- and Teddy- might become the new Adam or Jen under this scheme, though.

April 20 2006 at 10:31 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
joeyjojo

SpunkyOatmeal JaguarCustodian

April 20 2006 at 5:20 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Emily

Muffin, I think Furious Styles would be a great name for an edgy hair salon.

April 19 2006 at 9:54 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Harry

Probably my favorite name, a name that I plan to give my first born, is Laurence Fishburne's name from Boys N the Hood: Furious Styles.

April 18 2006 at 9:21 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Karen

Excellent names. For me--BunkySalad KoalaExec. Now that has a nice ring.

April 18 2006 at 6:59 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
sj

Kirbywrap Snakeartist?
It sounds funny enough to me :)

April 18 2006 at 6:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bearnoodles

Bearnoodles Elephantengineer

April 18 2006 at 4:09 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Samuel McConnell

Bubbaburger Skunkmanager?

April 18 2006 at 3:47 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Stephanie

Hmmm..I am thinking that SnuffyJoes Snakeparalegal just doesnt seem right, I will stick to Stephanie. But Moxie CrimeFighter is wicked cool.

April 18 2006 at 3:04 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Adam Finley

"PoohPasta" cracked me up. :)

April 18 2006 at 2:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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