The Five: Favorite Food Network shows
1) 30 Minute Meals with Rachael Ray: Okay okay, Rachael Ray is incredibly annoying. Her voice is always raspy, she always finds a reason to giggle, she constantly says "Yum-O!", and she firmly believes that "EVOO" takes less time to say than "extra-virgin olive oil". But, I've got to admit... those Cordon Bleu burgers were pretty damn good. Really, I have tried out several of her recipes without any problems, taste-wise or time-wise (always under 30 minutes!). Granted, I don't sample all of her recipes, but the ones that I've made so far have been fantastic. Once I got over her excessive enthusiasm and too-bubbly personality and gave the actual food a try, I was able to enjoy the show a lot more. Maybe you anti-Rachael people should give her recipes a go instead of just complaining about her oddly-shaped body (eh, I'm not gonna lie... It didn't make a great FHM spread, even after the extreme airbrushing).
2) Unwrapped: Do you know how they make Mystery-flavor Dum-Dums? When the
Dum-Dums people switch between huge chunks of flavors in the lollipop machines, the little bit where the two different
flavors touch becomes a Mystery-flavor lollipop! I wow people with knowledge like this at cocktail parties. I'm a big
hit. Where did I acquire such scholarly information? Unwrapped, of course. I
used to love watching this show because I was absolutely fascinated with the backgrounds of different everyday
foodstuffs. Like, I'm sure you've wondered who the hell Chef Boyardee really is.
3) Paula's Home Cooking: Butter, mayonnaise, cream, fried chicken, grease. Just the name Paula Deen should send you into a cardiac arrest. Her foods are so sinfully Southern, the TV screen actually starts dispensing heart medication prescriptions. This woman can take absolutely anything and make it outrageously fattening. Got a salad? She'll throw in a dressing of Crisco, sour cream, and extra Bacon Bits. Got water? She'll find a way to deep-fry it and puree it with a couple of Big Macs. I think I go, "Ewww!" more than I go, "Mmm!" while watching this show, but Paula Deen is so lovable and inviting, I can't help but watch. She's like the next-door neighbor who keeps coming over with greasy casserole after greasy casserole. You appreciate the gesture and kindness, but you know you'll never eat the dish.
Eats: If only there was a Good Eats class in school... Then maybe I'd
be able to pass Science. As long as you don't start watching this show because you want to learn a fun new recipe for
your next dinner, it's remarkably fun. Alton Brown, the host, breaks down everything to teach the viewer how to
perfectly time, measure, weigh, freeze, (insert any cooking-related verb here) even the most basic of dishes (like easy
macaroni and cheese).
5) Food Network Challenge: Not much to say
about this one. I just like tuning in to the last ten minutes or so to see if people can move their cumbersome
creations to the display table without dropping/destroying it. Call it schadenfreude.