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September 17, 2014

The Daily Show: May 3, 2006

by Annie Wu, posted May 5th 2006 8:18AM
Jon StewartMexico's Vincent Fox is planning for the legalization of several drugs in small amounts for personal use. Yup, this will include cocaine, heroine, and marijuana (craziest Spring Break ever). Jon was kind enough to warn us to drink only the bottled bong water in Mexico. He also showed us that the legalization will serve very well with our immigration issue: Mexicans will keep flocking to America for jobs, Americans will flock to Mexico to get hammered and fall into the Gulf. Excellent.

"Mess O'Potamia": Time to complain about the rising gas prices... Jon showed some graphs to help us understand better. As supply goes down and the demand goes up, these factors both combine to go up your ass, thus creating the sensation of being "boned up the ass" every time you pump some gas. Fun Fact: Jon has surprisingly long fingernails... Not creepy-long, just surprisingly long. Josh Bolten said that there is no "silver bullet" to solve the problem. The other week, Bush said that there is no "magic wand" to fix it, either. "It's like our president is merely a Level 3 Wizard!" The Senate plan for $100 gas rebates hasn't been getting much support either. How is that supposed to help? "Yay! I'm a hundred-aire!"

"Sphere & Loathing": Senior Street Magicologist Jason Jones reported on David Blaine's latest feat. Jones announced that he planned to set a record of his own by spending 168 straight hours mocking David Blaine. The trick is to bend your knees. I don't really understand what's going wrong with Jones. The audience still isn't receiving him that well. I desperately want to like him, but I'm having a tough time. C'mon, Jones!

The night's guest was Clark Kent Ervin, author of Open Target: Where America is Vulnerable to Attack. He spoke about America's current vulnerability, saying that we're going "back to sleep" now that the initial 9/11 panic has somewhat subsided. Ervin also said that it doesn't matter whether it's liberal or conservative ("Or a Whig," Jon added) but we need an effective government in 2008. "Tippecanoe and Tyler too!" Jon shouted before thanking his guest. Wow, I actually remembered that from US History class.


Jon/Stephen: Stephen Colbert decides there's no need for a briefing... It's just a half-hour talk show. Moment of Zen: That David Blaine's a silly one.

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Bryce Ennis

Whenever I see Jason Jones I get the feeling that it's really just Ed Helms controlling a Jason-Jones-bot to get more air-time. They even Sound the same to me.

Honestly, though: to me, he always seems like he wants to be Ed Helms.

May 06 2006 at 1:47 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Karen

I'm not finding it easy to warm up to Jones, either. His humor is more frat house than anything else--very little edge to it. He and Bakkedahl are the weak links in the correspondent pool.

May 05 2006 at 2:13 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Elliott

How does a loser like Jason Jones get a perfect woman like Samantha Bee?

May 05 2006 at 8:44 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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