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And I Quote: the best one-liners of the week

by Bob Sassone, posted Jun 23rd 2006 2:55PM

"I'm not trying to be sexist, but women do laundry better than men!" - Tom, about losing the challenge and having to wash the team clothing, on Hell's Kitchen.
"A child born in Africa today has a 1 in 3 chance of being adopted by Angelina Jolie." - David Letterman, reading a list of facts.
"Everybody lies on their resume, OK? I wasn't one of the Zoom kids either." Joey, about why he lied about having a dance background, on Friends.
"You think that's a comeback, what about Patrick Dempsey?" - Dave Foley, after Phil Hellmuth mentioned a player at the World Series of Poker who came back to win after having only one chip left, on Celebrity Poker Showdown.
"What exactly did she need the pianist for?" - Jon Stewart, after showing a clip of Connie Chung on top of the piano, which the pianist wasn't playing, on The Daily Show.
"Ask about our rips in the space-time continuum and our jacuzzi suites." - voiceover on The Soup, about the movie The Lake House
"Reuben says he knew someone was using his credit card when his statement showed he had bought something called 'a salad?' - David Spade, on Reuben Studderd winning a lawsuit against someone who used his credit card, on The Showbiz Show.