Strangers with Candy: Bogie Nights
Principal Blackman: Talk your monkey ass off. I'll be watching you.
This episode, in which Jerri comes face to face with her long lost son (though she doesn't realize it until the end of the episode) was co-written by Tom Lennon of The State and Reno 911!
This episode starts off, as all the season one episodes do, with Jerri explaining who she is and why she's in her forties and attending high school. She tells her tale to a ficus she's inexplicable planted in the middle of a baseball diamond (it's an Arbor Day thing). Meanwhile, it's also almost time for the Sadie Hawkins Dance, which, as many of you may know, is when girls have to ask the boys to the dance instead of vice versa. Her friend Orlando begins to drop some not so subtle hints that he'd like to go with her, but Jerri finds herself attracted to the new student, Ricky, played by Frederick Koehler (a.k.a. "Chip" from Kate and Allie). Jerri likes Ricky but she can't let anyone know because Ricky is hated by everyone, including the teachers, simply because he's new. When he first arrives in Noblet's class, Noblet doesn't give him a desk but instead makes him sit in the back on a box of slightly irregular jeans. Jerri tries to maintain a friendship with Ricky while also maintaining her status among her peers, such as one scene where she uses a tire iron to smash his car to impress her friends, all the while insisting to Ricky she really does like him.
After getting a bikini wax in front of her class that removes more hair than found on your average polar bear, Jerri decides to finally ask Ricky to the dance. Her mother and principal both suggest she take Spike Jabber, one of the violent students. Principal Blackman insists it's okay, since she'll be equipped with a taser. Jerri finally gives in and goes with Spike, but Ricky crashes the dance (which has the golf theme "Bogie Nights") and they escape together on a golf cart. While making out they both suddenly realize that Ricky is actually her son who was born while she was in Florida, and that, according to Jerri, his father might be Cuban because "they're thick as flies down there." Oh yeah, and she didn't give him up, she just traded him for a guitar. Ricky leaves, despite Jerri's protest that they could still make out.
Best line: If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts we'd all have a bowl of granola.