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Paris Hilton giving up sex

by Adam Finley, posted Jul 12th 2006 3:01PM

paris hiltonIf you had plans to screw Paris Hilton, you'll have to put those on the back burner for the time being because the hotel heiress apparently plans to give up the horizontal hokey pokey for one year. I commend Paris on her decision, for I too have obstained from sex in the past, just never by choice. She claims she wants to "rediscover" herself and that one-night stands aren't really her thing. She further states, "Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter." Well, yeah, or they just move to another part of the "restaurant" where it actually is being served to them on a platter. Perhaps this is the first step to a new Paris? Is our party girl finally going to settle down? I hope she decides in the next three minutes because that's about how much longer I'm going to care.

[via Dave Barry]

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9 Comments

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Scott

That's 3 minutes longer than me.

July 13 2006 at 9:27 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
steve

i give her a few days ..

July 13 2006 at 1:22 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Akbar Fazil

I am waiting for the media to abstain from posting any news about this wretched piece of humanity

July 12 2006 at 5:55 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Katie

It's ABstain, not OBstain. Obstain isn't actually a word

July 12 2006 at 5:26 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Porchland

In other news, Starr Jones ALSO announced....

July 12 2006 at 4:48 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Will

People don't change that easily. Doubt she will actually hold her promise even if she would say she held it.

July 12 2006 at 4:35 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Bob Mc

Freakin' hilarious post.

July 12 2006 at 4:34 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Brent McKee

And in other Parisian news (I swear this is true) Poker player Clonie Gowan has challenged Paris Hilton to play heads up against her for $100,000. The loser's money would go to the winner's favourite charity. For the record, Clonie Gowan makes Paris Hilton look like her chihuahua.

July 12 2006 at 4:08 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Judy Vendeg

Applause, Applause!! Keep the put downs coming. Paris is what my dad used to call a pig-broad. She contributes nothing. Sluuuuuut. Lets hear some dirt on the other slut, poor Britney Spears!! Jude.

July 12 2006 at 3:30 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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