Dog Bites Man: Assignment: Brighton, Florida
(S01E06) The very fact that you were willing to set a monkey on fire for us, that means a lot. - Kevin Beekin
This episode begins with the team talking to an image consultant about making Kevin look better when he's on camera. It seems most viewers don't find him very attractive and one even sent an e-mail saying his skin was so pock marked it looked like a Band-Aid. The consultant, like everyone else on the show, has no idea the news team is really a bunch of comedians, but she does manage to maintain her cool even when Marty tells her everything she's saying is wrong.
Tillie gets a call during the meeting about a girl who has been kidnapped in Florida, and the team begin to cheer and high five each other since this could be a story that gets them national exposure. It's also good news that she's a young, pretty white girl and not some Mexican grandfather, because no one tunes into the news for that sort of thing. Marty adds that the girl must be either found or killed before a certain date if it's to work into Kevin's schedule. It's a funny scene made even funnier by the fact that there's a woman in the room who has no idea it's all a gag.
Due to a screw up by Marty, the team actually ends up in Brighton, Colorado instead of Brighton, Florida where the actually kidnapping took place. Tillie says they should just do their original story on biracial wedding cake toppers, and Marty offers to set a zoo on fire so they can do a story on that instead. After a lengthy discussion about the best way to set the zoo on fire, they decide instead to ask the people in the town to pretend to be the girl's family and friends. Insanely enough, they actually get people to play along and pretend as if they knew this girl, which they don't, and who doesn't really exist at all.
Some other great moments:
- Alan hold tryouts for the kidnapper and the victim, and has the victim sing everything while the kidnapper speaks with a stutter
- Marty trying to make up for taking the team to Colorado instead of Florida by filling the van with balloons and buying Tillie $140 worth of crab legs