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May 25, 2012

And I Quote: The best one-liners of the week

by Keith McDuffee, posted Aug 4th 2006 3:30PM

The TV Squad team has made their picks for the top quotes of the week from TV:

  • rescue me"For every G.I. Joe we have, we have one Gomer Pyle and one Beetle Bailey." -- Jon Stewart, regarding the Army, on The Daily Show.
  • "Do I come off as gay? Because sometimes people call me 'bookish'... but I think that's code." -- Stephen Colbert, after the DC delegate asked about his sexual orientation, on The Colbert Report.
  • "If I'd a know what a murderous son of a bitch you'd turn out to be, I'd a killed you in my womb." -- Blade's mother speaking in a dream, on Blade: The Series.
  • "As you may have heard, Mel Gibson was arrested in Malibu on a DUI. I don't know what he was drinking, but I think you can rule out Manischewitz." -- Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.
  • "Silence can be misinterpreted, Dickie, but never misquoted." -- Tom Caffee on refusing to comment on the record to a reporter, on Brotherhood.
  • "There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!" -- Frank trying to convince Dee to run against her brother Dennis for public office, on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
  • "Welcome to the family... retard." -- Mr. Gavin, after giving Sean his blessing to wed his daughter Maggie, on Rescue Me.
  • "I am so glad that I did not find the love of my life until I was 39, because even if I do have to spend the rest of my life with him, it's not that long." -- Caroline Rhea on Last Comic Standing.

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Dan

I guess I should suggest that the quote from Mr. Stewart be taken in the proper context (which might be missing if you did not see the segment in question), but that might get in the way of the world-class hissy you seem to be throwing.

August 05 2006 at 12:16 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Tom

What the hell does John Stewart know about the army? He looks like a smarmy coward to me. I doubt if he could take the basic training, and it is easier since I went through it. I spent 3 years in the service, one in Viet Nam, and never saw this ratio in his comment. Out of 350 men in our unit, 310 were good soldiers. and that included draftees. I saw bravery, love of fellow man, much drinking and a little fighting, but thst is the nsture of young men. He should go to Iraq and see what great young men and women we have serving today. I fear Stewart. There are too many young people that think he knows something. His comment is what I expect from a left wing priss.

August 04 2006 at 7:04 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Steve

Dont forget Ari Gold's awsome line from Entourage this week

"The only reason you answer that phone is if its Carmen electra Calling for an Emergency titty fuck!"

or something like the main points were carmen electra and titty fuck

August 04 2006 at 3:52 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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