The new View review
With Katie Couric starting tonight, I had forgotten that another new day was dawning on another longrunning show, The View. Rosie O'Donnell started today.
Now, I admit I'm not the demographic for this show (I don't get excited over new room colors, and I have a penis), but I have to ask: is it always this inane? The intro had what was coming up on the show (Jessica Simpson, Rosie, a new set, Rosie, and Rosie), and the audience was going nuts. Bonkers. Like, Price Is Right bonkers. Then the girls came out like they always do, except the last person out this time wasn't Meredith Vieira but Rosie O'Donnell. Barbara Walters led her out by the hand (you know, to remind every single person in America "I got Rosie on this show!"). Then Rosie did that Rosie thing she always did on her own talk show, the smile through gritted teeth with the arms extended. This look is second only to Rosie's other facial expression, puckering her lips so her face looks thinner.
So they all sit down, and the first thing I notice is, Barbara Walters has shrunken about 9 inches. Seriously, what's going on there? Is there something in Rosie's contract that says she has to be several inches above Barbara, some power thing? Barbara's no longer in her old seat on the right, she's in Star's seat. And already I hate myself for examing this show like it's some ancient religious text.
Elisabeth has new hair. It's, um, shorter. The audience goes crazy over the new set color. It's, um, blue.
On the "Topics of the Day," the topics are Rosie's blog, Andre Agassi, and Steve Irwin. Barbara has no idea what a blog is, and wants to know if you get it on the computer via Word Perfect. No, Barbara, everyone knows that you access blogs via PaintShop Pro.
They all loved Andre's farewell speech, which confuses me because I thought it was a little overdone, and I'm a huge tennis fan. But they all agree that Steve Irwin's death was horrifying. But they'd totally show the video if they had it.
Barbara asks Rosie if she's going to give away anything, like she used to do on her own show. Rosie says she only has a little plastic cruise ship toy that she's going to give to everyone in the audience. And before you can say "Strategic cross promotion," Rosie gives everyone in the audience a cruise! The audience goes Oprah-crazy. Four studio interns are killed.
Most of the show consists of Simpson singing and "what's Rosie been up to" (starting a family, that nasty magazine lawsuit, her Broadway flop, being gay, her blog, a haircut that almost destroyed America, etc).
The new View, by the numbers:
Number of songs sung by guest Jessica Simpson: 1
Number of songs sung by guest Jessica Simpson that were terrible: 1
Number of times Rosie referred to Simpson's dad as a brainiac: 1
Number of tampon jokes made by Rosie: 2
Number of overindulgent montages of what Rosie has been up to in the past 4 years: 1 very long one
Number of incredibly odd statements by Rosie: oh, a couple, but the one that stands out, about her last talk show: "I think I had unrealistic expectations of what a TV star was capable of achieving in the world today." Huh?
I think Rosie and Barbara have the TV exchange of the week though. After Joy made fun of Rosie's impression of her kid, Rosie said "And you thought I was going to have trouble with Elisabeth." After a pause, Barbara said "Don't worry, you will." Not exactly a veiled reference to Elisabeth's conservative views. I have to admit, I laughed at that exchange.
This new View is still a team effort, but one that is already Rosie-centric. She controls the group like Vieira once did, and even greeted Simpson after her song alone, like she did on her old talk show. Should be interesting to see how this new lineup turns out. And by interesting, I mean I'm probably not going to watch the show again, but you should enjoy it.
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