Fat-guy-sitcomiosis: A mental disorder that makes overweight men think they're going to be able to have hot attractive wives, just because the overweight men in American sitcoms do.

Involuntary-narcissistic-award-show-rage: Occurs in a person, who after realizing another award show is on, begins attacking his TV with anything handy. For the person to live a normal happy life, they must stay away from the E! channel, anything with "red carpet" in the name, and Hollywood.

Family Guy-Envy: Trey Parker and Matt Stone suffer from this, enough said J

Tvsquad-miosis: A person that has tons of stuff to do during the day, but still finds time to check Tvsquad.com every five minutes for updates on their favorite shows.

Tvsquad-star-anoia: The paranoia that comes when the person has no idea where Tvsquad stars come from, or what their use is, but still wants to gain as many as humanly possible for fear of looking stupid in front of his Tvsquad peers.

6-ism - patient suffers paranoid delusions, megalomania and the galling belief that the most perfect female specimen on this or any other planet is not only in love with him but, in fact, can only be seen by him. I MEAN, COME ON, DOC!! Hmmm, peculiar.


Sorkin's Syndrome - those stricken feel they can only talk when walking. As walking speed increases, so does the ease and speed of the talking. While their uncontrollable urge to talk over others fills them with a sense of self-importance, it also falsely heightens the level of their own wit.


Carusotosis - characterized by the conscious hunching of the neck and back-no doubt from carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, as well as a strong aversion to sunlight-signified by constant squinting or the presence of sunglasses. Patient's inflamed id causes the avoidance of all eye contact and speaking in soft tones. Possible cures include steering clear of others with even larger egos (Joe Esterhaus, Nicholas Cage, Russell Crowe) and relocating to warmer climates.

First Name-ophelia: a condition where one speaks about people on their favorite shows on a first name basis. They refer to them as if these people were their friends.
Ex. Can you believe that Lorelei and Luke broke up? or What were Carrie and Austin thinking?
Only known cure: Get real friends. Watch less television.

SBDD(Sitcom Body Dismorphic Disorder)- A mental condition where you believe that your fat-lazy-nerdy-balding-loser ass can get a pretty-hot tough-attitude girl. This condition exist in all males but gets amplified by watching TV sitcoms with unoriginal plots. Treatments include asking out a real hot girl and getting slammed back to reality or becoming rich.

Caliente Tunnel Syndrome: A repetive stress injury usually found in the wrists of males that watch a lot of Univision's Caliente TV show.

Jerry Bruckheimer syndrome: The art of using dim lighting, weird camera angles and gross out zoom techniques to disguise the fact that you're just putting the same show in location after location.

Chronic Baltarism:
Patients suffering from Chronic Baltarism are highly unstable and subject to wild personality shifts. While not typically violent, patients have been known to lash out in the name of self-preservation. Subjects will maintain conversations with people that do not exist, especially in intense situations. They may also exhibit somewhat self-destructive behavior by throwing themselves into objects like walls or desks, with the extreme of auto-asphyxiation (choking oneself). When questioned about their behavior, they will claim to be healthy and totally sane. Other possible symptoms are an inferiority complex and/or CDS (see Cylon Displacement Syndrome).

Cylon Displacement Syndrome (CDS):
CDS is a growing epidemic especially among dedicated Battlestar Galactica viewers. Patients present with a heightened feeling of paranoia of their fellow man, bursts of violence and mutterings about "airlocks". These patients have an automatic distrust of pastors and doctors. Female patents will have an especially strong reaction to doctors in that they are under the belief that all medical practitioners are out to harvest their eggs. Care should be taken when approaching these patients, no matter how docile they may seem, as they are prone to sudden and fierce outbreaks of violence. Escape attempts are common and should be expected.

MyFoxia -- shortsightedness, characterized by a loss of taste, and a hypertendency to cancel things. Sometimes accompanied by a habit of repeating one's ideas over and over, and the expectation that each new iteration of the same idea will be more successful than the genuinely creative concept it copies (this symptom is known as CSItis). MyFoxia is suffered predominantly by network executives, who ALL have it to a certain degree, and it has taken a dangerous foothold in the film industry as well. The CDC is powerless to stop it, but CBS has a procedural medical/crime drama in development about it.

Commercial Advanticicus:
The syndrome brought on by the frequent and consistent use of time shifting entertainment devices. These devices speed up the absorption of visual media to the point that the patient may supplement their regular programming with shows of inferior quality like "Joey" in order to fill their insatiable viewing habits. Patients may present with compulsory twitching of the thumb or index finger on one or both hands, blank stares into space, and/or perceived pain when subjected to a "commercial break". Patients are commonly found to be DVR owners with a deactivated commercial advance function or with broken commercial advance buttons on their remotes.