The Biggest Loser: Beach Week

(S03E02) NBC, what're you trying to do to me? Another two hour episode this week?!?! You're testing my patience and the patience of the flood of fans who dropped by here at TVS last week to leave comments. Okay, there were exactly two comments last week, both from viewers who stated their intention to watch America's Next Top Model instead anyway. No doubt a double-sized Loser is just what is needed to reel viewers in. Here is my plea to reality show producers: if you're going to run two hours a night, make it two episodes -- that is, two challenges, two eliminations, don't just pad out an extra hour.

Anyway, here goes ...

After last week's vote, the dejected Red Team now reflects on how horrible it turned out to feel -- having to vote out one of their own.

Both Red and Blue teams are really mopey this year. An astounding bunch of sad sacks. In fact, with the sound off, you could be excused for thinking both teams lost last week, the way they slump around the couches at the ranch. And that is even before Ken, of the Red Team, unfortunately finds he has a family emergency: his nineteen-year-old son is in the hospital with an infection following an earlier operation. Ultimately, Ken elects to stay.

Both teams do a "beach workout" -- something neither teams really looks forward to, and continues to complain about all day. Kim puts her Red Team through circuit training, while Bob Ken has the Blue Team ... carry driftwood.

The next phase of The Biggest Loser (which didn't happen in the premiere this year for some reason) is the "temptation." The teams are confronted with foods they shouldn't eat. But if they do eat them, they can possibly get rewards like immunity. These usually fall flat, as most players simply resist the temptations and forgo the rewards. Cameras are rolling after all. This one has chocolates, carrot sticks, and one immunity hidden in 26 sand castles. The Reds elect not to play. The Blues elect not to play. Another exciting temptation segment.

Next day, back to the beach for yoga. Nelson of the Red Team says, "Am I losing weight yet?" and another player chimes in: "did I mention I hate yoga?" All the Reds chuckle. Trainer Kim comes back at them with, "Stop giggling you guys, focus! If you're gonna be giggling now, you're gonna be giggling all the way to the scale and it's not gonna be as funny then!" Snap! One of the Reds sums it all up: "Our team's kinda crazy and dysfunctional, we're not all together and perfect like the Blue Team." So Kim get mad and starts working them like marines, making them carrying bags of sand. Naturally the Red Team decides that their trainer is the problem, and the Ken the other trainer has a better relationship with his team.

Despite all this, Red Team wins a sandhill-making challenge and gets rewards from home and the right to decide who will sit out the weigh-in later (as the teams are uneven). During the challenge, Wiley from Florida of the Red Team is injured -- becoming about the tenth person to cry so far, (not counting Ken, whose kid is sick and at least has serious reason). Wiley shakes it off eventually. After the win, more crying from everyone.

After tons more filler, which just unfortunately serves to point up how frankly indistinguishable the players this year are from one another, and how much less interesting and unmotivated they seem than last year's standouts like Matt, Suzy, and the amazing Pete (who lost 185 lbs), we finally get to the weigh-in, which is dragged out over commercial after commercial break. Red Team wins in a blowout with 4.6% weight loss to the Blue Team's 3.34%. Which just goes to show: whining, sarcasm --- or just unfair editing -- doesn't count. It's all in the numbers, not matter how you get there. In my favorite moment of the episode, the Red's fake out Kim and make her think they failed miserably. Those evil, kooky Reds.

After an incredibly sappy musical exercise montage, the Blues vote to eliminate one member. Unlike the Reds last week, there are no tantrums, finger pointing, or accusations. They merely have to eliminate someone and they do -- regretfully -- eliminate Tiffany, who they think will be successful on her own.

Next week it's a one hour episode, finally. I know, because I checked. And rechecked.