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October 8, 2015

I Pity the Fool: Unity

by Kevin Kelly, posted Oct 19th 2006 11:32AM
(S01E02) T is summoned once again to duty, like the genie from Aladdin's lamp. This time he is summoned by the Abato family who want him to deal with the patriarch of their clan, the very flatulent Frank. In true T fashion, he runs (literally) straight to the town of Suffern, New York and gets to work. Can't they afford a car for T? Nice tie-in opportunity for T-Mobile. ZING!

Frank doesn't pull his weight around the house, which is fairly substantial. He also works at a waste management facility, and oversees the vast tanks full of poop. No lie. They even show you a delightful closeup of it, thanks T!

Apparently Frank comes home smelling like ... work, and he heads straight for his favorite chair. A chair that he calls "wife." This is a guy that really has some problems. I'm still not convinced that T is who you'd want to call in a situation like this but, no T, no show.

T dishes out his unique brand of advice, which alternates between pitying, yelling, and grimacing. He helps Frank teach his son to drive (by sitting in the backseat and telling the son to calm down), helps Frank learn how to do some simple chores (flipping bacon with a fork, challenging), and somehow convinces Frank to put on a suit and go to ballroom dancing lessons with his wife. That one actually looked hard, because Frank looked like he'd rather be scooping poop tanks than trying to dance.

To bring Frank and his daughter together, T takes them to a local arcade and helps strengthen the father/daughter bond through skee-ball, whack-a-gator, and air hockey. Nothing brings people together like 15 tickets for a rubber eraser shaped like a dinosaur.

Still not convinced that Frank will make the changes on his own, T convinces him to burn his chair, which they do in a bonfire at a local baseball field. Imagine showing up to toss a few balls around and finding Mr. T there burning an easy chair. You'd either think you stepped into a bizarre cult, or an episode of the Twilight Zone.

T slips away silently into the night, having done his good. He closes things out with another signature T-style poem:
"There once was a man named Frank,
whose clothing and chair done stank.
But I had a plan, reuniting his clan,
and now they have T to thank!"

Some T-isms from tonight's show:

  • "Take my hand. One finger alone can only do so much, but bring 'em together in a fist, and I'll knock some sense into a fool! Hiyah!"
  • "This family is coming apart like the seams of Frank's pants!"
  • "You know what the biggest room in the house is? The room for improvement."
  • "You know, I think makin' bacon is the first step in unity."
  • "Skee ball? They should call it we-ball!"
  • "Some folks call it air hockey. I call it ... love hockey."
  • "Three plus one equals nothin'!"
Next week, T leads bootcamp for fools, and don't take no jibba jabba in the process.

Descriptions in this post were changed out of respect to health conditions.

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Brendon Carr

Really? I thought it was kind of sweet. Mr. T always did have a sweet side -- that ridiculous "Mother" song of his, the television carton exhorting kids to drink milk and stay off the drugs, etc. This is a show I'd watch again. It's not appointment television, but entertaining nonetheless.

October 22 2006 at 8:25 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

This episode sounds more like "T" helps Homer Simpson..oh wait, that one is next I forgot.

The only thing more disturbing than Frank's man-boobs is this show.

October 19 2006 at 12:04 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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