The Five: Predictions for 2007
Every year around this time, the year-in-review and best and worst articles start showing up in newspapers and magazines and blogs, and so do the predictions for the following year. Here are my predictions for 2007 concerning TV personalities and shows.
1. Rachael Ray, in the middle of pouring EVOO in a skillet for the 11,000th time, will suddenly scream "fuck this!", throw the bottle against the wall, walk over to her elevator, say "I'm sick of all the shows and the books and the appearances...so long suckers!" and get into the elevator and disappear.
2. Paris Hilton will be either arrested, get into a car accident, or say something something really stupid. Probably all three, at the same time.
3. In the May season-ender of Lost, something mysterious will happen, and a big question will finally be answered, while 36 new questions will suddenly pop up. At the end of the episode, one or more people will be in peril, one will be dead, and immediately after the episode fans everywhere will jump online and talk about what they think happened and what it means to the opener next season. In the fall 2007 opener, we will be introduced to 12 castaways that have actually been there the whole time. They will all be sexy.
4. FOX will introduce a new game show, Who Wants To Vomit For A Target Gift Card? A former standup comic (to be announced) will host this game show where people have to answer questions about other game shows hosted by ex-comics, and if they miss a question, they can still win the Target gift card if they can force themselves to vomit on the spot.
5. What About Brian will suddenly become the #1 show in the country, beating Lost, CSI, Desperate Housewives, and Grey's Anatomy.