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October 9, 2015

The Five: Weird sexual tension match-ups

by Jay Black, posted Dec 4th 2006 11:05AM
Sam and Diane from CheersHaving been weaned on sitcoms in the early 1980s, I was very disappointed when I finally got old enough to work in an office setting. I was led to believe that every workplace was a hotbed of sexual tension. I took it as a matter of course that the person working next to me would be a smoking hot twenty-something with whom I'd have a long, drawn-out flirtation resulting in several seasons of "will they/won't they" discussion. Whether it was a bar or a detective agency or a special branch of the FBI, I expected a beautiful member of the opposite sex and lots of sexual tension.

As it turned out, the only sexual tension in that first year was the tension over the fact that nothing at all sexual was happening for me!

But reality never much stood in the way of television trying to reflect it. So, while I was experiencing virtually zero sexual tension, television felt it necessary to take the Sam and Diane format and apply it every single new show it launched. Sometimes this worked (Friends) and sometimes it didn't (Any big Inc. fans out there? I didn't think so), but it was always there. It's hard to find a show on TV now without sexual tension. And that has led to some strange bedfellows...

  1. House and Cuddy and Cameron and Stacey and Some Prostitutes (House) I discovered House when Fox had that ingenious DVD mailing inside Entertainment Weekly (why haven't more networks taken this approach!?) The minute Cuddy arrived on the scene, I turned to my wife and pompously declared that "the sexual tension has just arrived." But while some peg this show as formulaic, it's never been easy to nail down which coupling we should be rooting for. At the beginning of the first season, I felt sure it was Cuddy. By the end of that season, I was positive it was Cameron. By the second season, I figured it had to be Stacey. Now where are we? Back with Cuddy? Maybe with some Cameron thrown in for good measure? Someone help me out here!
  2. Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell (American Idol) This relationship is less "love/hate" and more "hate/really, really hate", but don't you get the feeling that if Paula was on the right combination of meds and Simon's sweater was just tight enough to lower his oxygen intake that the two of them would be in for something wild and passionate? I haven't checked, but I'm sure there's some internet fan-fiction on the subject...
  3. Brian and Lois (Family Guy) He's in love with his best friend's girl. She's a wildcat with a dubious past. He's a cartoon dog. She's a housewife. I thought Brian's time in therapy cured him of his obsession, but did you see a few weeks back how excited Brian was to hear what it was that Lois said to Meg's school about sex? Sliding under Fox's S&P guy (hey, Fox probably has one, right?) is perhaps the creepiest love story of the 21st century.
  4. Jan and Michael (The Office) My original post had Dwight and Angela here, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it made sense for the two of them to be together. Jan and Michael, on the other hand, just seem like such an odd pairing. There's definite chemistry between the two of them, but can you think of any reason whatsoever why Jan would even be remotely interested in Michael? For most people, the biggest shocker of last season's "Casino Night" was the Jim/Pam kiss. For me, it was the fact that Jan brought an overnight bag with her.
  5. Brett Favre and Every Single Sports Broadcaster in America (Sports Center, PTI, MNF, etc. etc. etc.) Okay, we get it. He's the best quarterback of all time. He was in There's Something About Mary. He's got a really cool beard. Just go ahead and kiss him, for God's sake. We're all waiting! Go for it!

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Favre just better keep his hands off Suzi Kolber. she's mine. his days of throwing passes are over if he makes a move on her.

as a side note: am i the only one bothered at how nobody but nobody pronounces bret's last name like it's spelled? the "v" is BEFORE the "r". so how are we all getting bret FAR-VUH out of it? that just bugs the hell out of me.

December 04 2006 at 4:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Irina Derevko and Jack Bristow on Alias.

December 04 2006 at 4:30 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Don't you get it? The real sexual tension on House is between House and Wilson.

December 04 2006 at 2:00 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Akbar Fazil

I have always appreciated News Radio for getting the sexual tension cliche out of the way right away by having Dave and Lisa hook up in the second episode.

December 04 2006 at 1:42 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

THE OFFICE - I predict that at some point in the hazy future, it will come to light that Creed and Meredith have been having an ongoing sexual affair. You read it here first.

December 04 2006 at 11:59 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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