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On the 9th day of Festivus, TV gave to me

by Annie Wu, posted Dec 7th 2006 2:04PM
Stephen Colbert... nine Colbert moments

Mr. Stephen Colbert had a great run in 2005, when The Colbert Report debuted and took off like a mighty eagle... with a disturbingly dedicated fanbase. This past year somehow managed to top all that, making Colbert and his show absolute pop culture giants and easily one of the biggest hits of 2006. I've been a fan ever since I first saw the man many years ago on The Daily Show and Strangers With Candy, so I feel like I've seen his career positively explode before my very eyes. Ohh, my boy's all grown up.

Now now, let's move on to my list before I get even more sappy and awkwardly maternal (the fact that Colbert's over twenty years older than me does not help the strangeness). Here are the top nine Colbert Report moments of 2006!

The Ten Commandments: This is one of my favorite "Better Know A District"s. Colbert asked Congressman Lynn Westmoreland to name the Ten Commandments, which Westmoreland tried to put on display in a judicial building, and the Congressman really botched it up. I think it embodies what The Colbert Report is all about. Plus, I think the funniest part is that Stephen Colbert could probably spit out the Commandments rapid-fire. After all, we've seen him do that with scripture on his show... and he does teach Sunday school.

Wikiality: Stephen tells people to edit Wikipedia, people obey, Wikipedia locks loads of entries to prevent vandalism. Craziness. When I tell people to mass-change things on Wikipedia, they tell me to quit being a jerk and stop calling them so early in the morning... but when Stephen Colbert even mentions the idea, it's as good as done. Seeing as how Wikipedia didn't seem to appreciate Stephen's own brand of truth (Truthiness), some fans even took the time to create Wikiality.

The Stephen Colbert Bridge: This was kind of ridiculous. Half-jokingly, Stephen called upon his fans to vote for him in a Hungarian poll seeking a name for a bridge. Little did he know, the Colbert Nation actually took the time to not only take the time to navigate through the non-English site and vote (in such a large mass that they caused the site to actually crash for a while), but to create computer programs to boost the voting. Again, it was ridiculous... in an amazing sort of way. It showed just how much power Stephen had on his fanbase. He won, of course, but, unfortunately, Hungary has a law that states that bridges can only be named after dead people. Minor obstacle, yeah?

The Saginaw Spirit: The bridge thing didn't really work out, so Colbert's fans voted to have the next best thing take on his name... a secondary mascot for a hockey team! Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle led Michigan's Saginaw Spirit on a seven-game winning streak after he was named. Just goes to show the power of Colbert, folks. Oh, I also like the Colbeagle because of the Report's video clips of him falling down repeatedly. There's just something about people hurting themselves in weird costumes that still amuses me. C'mon, I know I'm not the only one... Otherwise America's Funniest Home Videos would not be on the air anymore.

Charlene (I'm Right Behind You)
: A Valentine's Day message from Stephen Colbert... wearing eyeliner. That is all.

Bonnie R. vs. George L.: Although the whole Green Screen Challenge idea was fantastic, the part really worth mentioning is the fact that Mr. Star Wars himself, George Lucas, presented his own entry during a very special (and funny) appearance. As I watched Lucas stab Colbert in the balls with a light saber in a mock duel, I realized that Stephen Colbert may very well have the greatest job in the world.

The Feminist Ice Cream Threeway: I can't think of anyone else that can get away with sending a couple of legendary feminists to a kitchen and make them giggle while doing it. The cooking segment with Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem was absolutely remarkable! It just goes to show that even the most hard-core feminist will get a little schoolgirly for ol' Stephen Tyrone Colbert. I mean, it makes sense, right? If Colbert didn't have the charm and personality to go with his right-wing character, I'm sure that, by now, he would have been punched by at least one of the people that don't know he's acting.

Strangers With Candy Tumbling: Individually, Colbert, Paul Dinello, and Amy Sedaris are all great... but when they work together, there's a chemistry that can't be faked. When Sedaris stopped by to do an interview, Dinello (as the building manager, Tad) dropped in as well, and the three of them had... um... an interesting routine set up. It was fun to see these old friends work together again, just being silly and jumping around, even though they're all too old for it (according to Sedaris, the boys were sore for days after all that tumbling).

A New Black Friend: Not only did Colbert manage to get loads of applications from people desperate to be his new black friend, but he managed to spark a bit of a trend with the picture of himself and Alan (the original black friend). Want to be cool too? Simply grab your nearest surly-looking ethnic friend (or less-pale friend, if you live in a small town and/or are really close-minded), wrap your arm around said friend, point at them with your other hand, and look way too enthusiastic. Snap photo.

RIP, Phil Ken Sebben: Okay, so this is a tenth item that I wanted to mention... It wasn't actually on The Colbert Report, but it's related and certainly significant (to Colbert fans, anyway). I've loved Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law for a long time and, while Harvey's pretty funny, my favorite has always been Stephen's character, Phil Ken Sebben. Well, early in the latest season, they killed him off... by running him over with a bus bearing a Colbert Report ad on the side (you have to freeze-frame the scene to see it, but it's there, trust me). Reducto (Stephen's other character) suffered the same fate, but I didn't care as much because I've never liked Reducto. Anyway, I'm suddenly not as motivated to watch the show anymore, and haven't seen a new episode since the tragedy. Sigh. You've lost me, Harvey Birdman. Peter Potamus just isn't cutting it.

And yes, I know there's one tremendous Colbert event that I've left out, but I'm saving it for something special... You'll see. Insert awkward wink here.

Twelve killed-off characters
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Scott Aubry

I agree with all of these patriots. Stay strong.

February 16 2007 at 7:56 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

In particular re: Stephen's new black friend, the episode with NAACP head Julian Bond was fantastic. best of the running gag.

December 09 2006 at 12:12 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
Steve Gerard

Regarding the Stphen Colbert bridge in Hungary:

I've also read it cannot be named for Stephen Colbert because they only name them after dead people... but I saw somewhere (maybe at "Colbert Nation") it could be worked around by naming the bridge after *another* Stephen Colbert. I believe the person who came up with this idea even found two deceased people in the U.S. named 'Stephen Colbert'.

So although technically they could name the bridge after one of the deceased S.C.s, everyone would know it vwas actually named after THE Stephen Colbert.

Crafty. :)

December 08 2006 at 9:38 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

How is the proper pronunciation of Tyrone with a silent T?

December 08 2006 at 12:02 AM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

TSN is the ESPN of Canada. Sportsnet is the Fox Sports of Canada. :P

And to Gazpacho, I believe those things you mention were left off the list because they originated in 2005.

December 07 2006 at 7:37 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

Saginaw Spirit. There's something really great (and totally surreal) about getting my OHL updates (and yes, I'd normally get them from Rogers Sportsnet, the ESPN of Canada) from Colbert.

December 07 2006 at 5:53 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

What about Filliam H. Muffman? It was even on Jeopardy.

Or what about Alpha Squad 7? Or about his fear of Bears? Or about..... There is just too much good stuff on Colbert.

December 07 2006 at 4:05 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply
DB Ferguson (from www.nofactzone.net)

You know ... it's kind of nice to see a list of classic Colbert moments without seeing that "one big thing." While it pushed him into the spotlight, it has not defined him. The smaller moments, such as the Ice Cream Three-Way and the Wikiality, is what has made fans so rabidly loyal.

December 07 2006 at 3:54 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

RIP Phil Ken Sebben

They should've just ended the show there. Phil was the reason I watched. Just to hear him go: "Ha! Ha!"

December 07 2006 at 2:38 PM Report abuse rate up rate down Reply

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