New Year's resolutions from The Simpsons
So, why make resolutions at all? Theoretically, because we keep hoping that we can become the best possible versions of ourselves. And, what exactly would be the best possible version of the Simpsons? Lucky for you, Fox has the answer. In an odd, brief press release promoting the January 7th return of the show, Fox listed the adult Springfieldians' 2007 resolutions. You can check them out after the jump. Perhaps, they'll inspire you to turn over a new leaf this holiday season.
I resolve to lose 10 pounds, and then gain it back by Valentine's Day.
I resolve to finally learn how to make pancakes that don't stick to the pan. Bart helped me come up with that one.
In 2007, I promise not to keep using the same old jokes Ive been telling since 1961.
In the coming year, I resolve to learn how to work the safety on my gun.
Comic Book Guy
In 2007, I resolve to boldly go where I have never gone before out on a date with a woman.
I resolve to quit drinking coffee. It leaves less room for beer.
I resolve to be pious and kind and gentle and - yippee, skippee - I already am! Happy 2007, everybody!
[via The Futon Critic]