Hannity gets new gig on Fox News
As president of the Sean Hannity Fan Club, I am thrilled to announce that Sean Hannity's new hour-long, live program for Fox News will be debuting this Sunday. Hannity's America will include an in-depth feature story, debates with liberals, and interviews. I will be selling busts of Hannity made out of nuts and chocolate in celebration of this new show, and will also be constructing a giant replica of the conservative pundit out of old mufflers. Actually, they'll be mufflers I steal from cars in the parking lot, resulting in a cacophony of unmufflered engines serving as a noisy salute to Hannity.
One of the segments of the new show will be "Hannity's Hot Seat" in which he asks a liberal five "yes or no" questions. Hannity said he was sick of people never giving him a straight "yes" or "no" answer to his questions. I have to agree with Sir Hannity, I'm really sick of people who try to put thought into their responses. Can you imagine how much more convenient life would be if we all followed his example? Weddings would only last a few seconds:
Minister: You guys wanna be married?
Minister: Okay, you're married.
My suggestion to liberals who might be asked to appear on the show is to train a donkey to appear in your place. Just teach it to tap its hoof once for yes and twice for no.