American Idol: Memphis auditions

(S06E03) We're in Memphis, Tennessee -- home of Al Green, B.B. King, and the one-and-only Elvis Presley. This week, 16,000 people turned up, all convinced that they've got what it takes to be the next American Idol. But only 22 of them earn a golden ticket to Hollywood, meaning that searching for an American Idol is a lot like looking for a needle in a freaking (or freaky) haystack.

Luckily this week's auditions aren't nearly as bizarre as last week's, and the judges' comments aren't quite so cruel (or maybe I've just become desensitized to it). But there's still more "bad" auditions shown than "good." And as expected, Simon "I'm-just-being-honest" Cowell is as cranky and rude as ever, especially towards an over-zealous cheerleader who brought his squad as back-up. But there's some amazingly positive comments too -- from Simon, of all people.

And in the spirit of minimizing all the negativity surrounding the audition shows, let's focus on the positive first.

THE YAYS:

JASON SUNDANCE HEAD (27) blames hippy parents for his name. I'm not sure who he blames for the rug growing out of his chin. He's been singing forever, and says he thought he'd be famous by the time he graduated high school. His dad, Roy Head, had a number one song in 1965 knocked off the charts by The Beatles hit, "Yesterday." He sings "Stormy Monday" and Randy says he "blew it out." I think that's a compliment, but I'm not certain. Convinced Sundance is Final 12 material, Simon says his audition "blew Taylor out of the park." The words "blew" blow" and "blowing" seem to be used A LOT during this episode.
My Prediction: Final 12 for sure (especially with a shave).

DANIELLE McCOLLOCH (18) is a young, blonde cutie, so even before she sings a note, I know she's going to get a golden ticket. She sings Aretha Franklin and surprisingly Randy doesn't care for her. Paula tells her she has "an old soul" (and once again I'm not sure if this is meant as a compliment). Although Simon agrees with Randy he puts her through anyway, saying he likes the "blues part of her voice." I'm always amazed how much easier it is for Simon to find something positive to say when a cute girl is in the room.
My Prediction: She's young and I think she'll struggle during Hollywood Hell Week, but still could advance to Final 24.

SEAN MICHEL (27) actually says he's been told he looks like Osama bin Laden or Jesus or Castro or "just a homeless bum." And he really does look like all of those people rolled into one, which is why the guy has no right walking into the room and rocking out Johnny Cash. Simon surprises me by saying yes. And Randy says "it doesn't matter what you look like, you can blow." There's that word again. I wonder "since when do looks not matter?" Every other darn week, the judges tell us LOOKS MATTER. Now, I'm really confused.
My Prediction: Without a major makeover, Sean will not make it to the Final 12.

MELINDA DOOLITTLE (28) is a professional background singer who says she's ready to move out of her comfort zone, and try for a chance in the spotlight. She sings Stevie Wonder's "For Once in My Life" and Simon says she lacks confidence and attitude but is a "brilliant singer." Seriously, Simon said something truly nice and positive. Randy agrees, calling hers one of the best auditions EVER. The judges give her lots of positive "believe-in-yourself" advice and honest-to-goodness praise. See, Simon DOES have a heart.
My Prediction: Unless she finds her confidence, she may crumble during Hollywood Week. But I'd love to see her in the Final 12.

PHIL STACY (28) tells us that he missed the birth of his second baby girl to be at the Idol audition, and something about that really annoys the hell out of me (probably because I'd kill my husband if he missed the birth of our chlld for any reason). It also seems like a lame attempt to buy "audience sympathy." He sings "My Girl" and dedicates it to his "three girls" and I think he lays on the sap just a little too strong, while his voice is weak. Paula agrees with me, saying that the beginning was "weird." He tries another song, Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On," and Simon still thinks he can't start a song. But Paula and Randy are convinced that Phil deserves a golden ticket.
My Prediction: He'll fizzle out early in Hollywood.

THE NAYS:

I find it interesting that a lot of the wackier contestants come to the auditions with their very own nicknames, as if they were hand-picked in a casting session.

FRANK BYERS (21) is an enthusiastic cheerleader who goes by the nickname "Frank N Beans" and shows up with his cheerleading squad and band. Simon absolutely hates him, calling him corny and cabaret. The dude leaves with a positive energy though and leads his fellow cheerleaders in a raucous cheer causing cranky Simon to get up and scream out the door for them to shut up. Seacrest tells Simon he's being a "Beep."

TIMIKA SIMS (16) calls herself "Meeky" probably because she doesn't say much. She enters the room mumbling, angering Simon who can't understand a word she says. In Simon's defense, I can't understand her either. But she's only a kid, so I decide Simon should give her a break.

CHRISTOPHER RIVERA(18) mumbles through Stevie Wonder's "Superstitious." ALEX PARTEE doesn't have a nickname, but she does have big teeth and big jangly dangling earrings. Randy calls her audition "a little strange." WANDERA HITCHYE (23) has red hair, and is told she's good, but nothing special. She leaves in a huff, throwing this week's required "hissy fit."

CHRISTOPER "Topher" McCAIN is a big, husky guy with no fashion-sense whose wife recently left him after he found out she'd been "messing around." The poor guy actually forgave her, and took her back, until she told him she wanted to keep on "messing around." He naturally wants to become famous to get revenge on his wife, the "BEEP". And he wants Paula to know he's s available. He sings "Footloose" and it's pathetic, because he is this week's required "pathetic guy." Simon says he sings like a drunk at a wedding. Paula tries to be nice, and I imagine she's working on a restraining order the minute the dude leaves the room.

JANITA BURKS (20) has boobs -- and they're hanging out and that's all I see. She sings "Disco Inferno" and it's not good, because she's this week's "odd audition."

ROBERT LEE HOLMES (21) claims he sounds just like Elvis, but he's a skinny, bald dude in a neon-green shirt and we know before he opens his mouth that he's this week's "awfully clueless" singer. He seems to be in complete shock when the usually-sweet Paula informs him he sucks (although she says it nicer than that).

That's all for Memphis, a city that apparently loved Paula, as she is seen sharing hugs with various people.

Tomorrow: New York City